A Reilly Farm Wife praying to become pregnant...

All of my hope is gone...

2010-10-30T12:09:00.000-07:00

As I sit at the computer and try to be strong once again, I'm finding the tears streaming down my face. It is this time that I shall be able to post. My heart feels truly as if any hope that I may have had is gone forever. There really are no words to describe the devastation that Scott and I feel.

Where to begin? Scott and I took 2 rounds of clomid and a HCG shot as well. When nothing happened, I began to feel like there was something else going on... and it was not with me. As nervous and anxious as I was, I spoke to my doctor about having Scott do a semen analysis. She gladly wrote the orders up and said that it usually takes 3 times because they want to get an average. Scott knew what needed to be done because I had talked to him about it several times before. He was very willing and able to do what was needed and I was certainly very thankful for that. On the morning of the first sample, I rushed it to the hospital praying that the results were going to come out alright. My heart and nerves were in a power struggle for that entire week. Once a few days passed, I began to call the hospital to see why the results had not been returned, and all they could tell me was the pathologist had not read it yet. UGH!!!!

A little over a week after the sample went to the hospital, I went back to my GYN for the second ultrasound for our second round of clomid. Before she even took me to do my ultrasound, she came in to talk to me about what the results of the sample were. Her words hit me like a ton of bricks and I knew what I had been feeling was right. She said, Stacey, they found only 1 sperm. With my heart pounding, we went ahead and did the ultrasound and she said that everything on your end looks great! The good news is the clomid works beautifully for you, however, with the results that your husband got, there is no reason to continue to poke and probe on you. At the end of my appointment, she had given me some names of specialists in male infertility. With that in hand, I took it and made an appointment with one, Dr. S..

A month later, Aug. 16, we went to see Dr. S. and he had Scott do another sample and get bloodwork done. At that point he said that he didn't know anything yet because he wanted the results of those tests to help him better determine what the possible problem was. So, another waiting game came. A little over a month later, on September 24, we went back to get the results of the tests that had been done. My nerves and heart were still in competition with each other because all we had done was hurry up and wait. Nearly ready to explode, we went in and sat down with Dr. S. to hear what had been found. Dr. S. told us that all of Scott's bloodwork came back in the normal range. They tested everything... stuff I didn't even know they could do with a blood sample. I was relieved that everything came back normal, including the amount of liquid that Scott had in his sample. The problem they found was consistant with Scott's sample back in July, he does not produce sperm. Or I should say, Scott does not produce any living sperm and what they do see is only 1 in his sample. My heart flew appart and my emotions went raging. I bawled all the way home and for many days thereafter.

Our options... Well, they told us of what we could do and while we still have options, I am still an emotional wreck. Option #1 - Scott has a biopsy done and a sperm extraction. The biopsy would be covered under our insurance and the extraction will cost us upfront $3,500.00. The extraction is 60% successful, however when they freeze what they can get, there is a 50% loss of what they extracted. After that we then can do IVF for an upfront cost of $10,000.00 to $12,000.00 a try. Option #2 - We get a donor, which would be done through Dr. S's office and would match Scott as closely as possible. With the donor we can do IUI for $300 to $400 a try. Option #3 - Obviously is adoption.

At this point, Scott is willing to have done whatever needs to be for the IVF... however, we just don't have $15,000.00 plus to put into a try. So for now, that option is on the back burner and may stay there and never get used. There are so many emotions behind using a donor, and as selfish as I think it is, I would be okay using that option. But I am also torn because I want Scott's baby and not someone else's. WHY? WHY? WHY God? To be honest with all of you, I have been very angry at God for many reasons. It has been a struggle that I am slowly and I do mean slowly trying to deal with and come to grips with at the same time.

On a positive note... although I can see how easily two people can drift apart during times of trial like this, Scott and I have been drawn closer together. We have talked and are in agreement that as tough as this is and will get, we have each other and nothing is going to change that. I am so in love with Scott that I could not imagine my life without him. I feel like his manhood has been ripped to shred's and I blame God for that, as well as our struggles with infertility. How awful it must be for him because he has told me that he knows he can't give me what I want and that he feels like a failure once again. This tears me up because I don't see him like that and so I have tried to make sure that I go out of my way to do as many little extra things as possible for him.

As for now, our infertility journey has been put on hold. The root reason, money. Seems like it is always ends up being about the stinkin' money. It is awful to think that there are so many of us out there fighting this battle when so many more are able to simply have the family that we have always wanted. It's so not fair!

Well, I managed to get through this post and hopefully it is comprehensible. Thank you to all for your prayers. They have meant the world to us. We are certainly learning so much more about our faith than we could have ever imagined. Your continued prayers for us would also be welcomed for it is with those that we will be able to discern the next direction or path to take in this struggle to have a child/family.

Hugs and blessings,

Finally... CLOMID!!!!! :)

2010-06-16T20:02:00.000-07:00

You may think that I am crazy, but I am really excited about being able to go on clomid this month. This past month has definitely been filled with ups and downs. So, I will begin with this past May. I had a GYN appointment scheduled for May 5th, which I had been anxiously awaiting to go to, as you may have remembered from my previous posts. However, I rescheduled it because of needing to be at school that day. When I called to reschedule, the receptionist told me that she would schedule me in as soon as they could, which just so happened to be DECEMBER!!!!! WHAT????? I was nearly in tears!!!!! However, the dear receptionist told me that she would put me on the cancellation list and would call if there were any openings in June, which she was sure there would be. Okay, so I did calm down a little after that, even though I wasn't sure that there would be any openings. Around this time I was also doing some devotionals and the same word kept coming back to me ~ patience. OH NO!!!!! God was wanting me to be patient and let me tell you that I was so upset and cried so much that there must not have been a tear left in me. Everywhere I turned in books, in church and the Bible was telling me to be patient... UGH!!!!! After much prayer and finally letting God have this one, I called a couple of weeks later to see if there were any openings and you guessed it ~ nope. Again, be patient Stacey. On Friday, May 21st, I come home to a message on our answering machine telling me that my GYN had an opening on Monday at 9 am. YES!!!!!!!!!! Well, when I called, their office closes on Friday at 3:30 and there was no way to leave a message!!!!! UGH!!!!! How in the world was I supposed to go to this appointment if I couldn't get ahold of them? I spent a lot of time over that weekend praying and when Monday came, I did not get called to go to school, which I was very thankful for. So, I called the GYN office as soon as they opened. Much to my surprise they still had that time available and so I went on Monday, May 24th at 9 to the GYN finally!!!!! You could not imagine how happy I was, well, maybe you can, but it was a great feeling!!!!!

My appointment was great!!!!! Since one year ago, I have successfully lost over 16 pounds!!!!! It was not my goal, but it was still over half of what I needed to lose. My GYN was so happy that she asked me if I would like to go ahead with the Clomid treatment. ABSOLUTELY!!!!! After talking with her for quite some time about different things, a lot of my questions and concerns were answered. So, I left the office with all of the instructions, prescriptions and lab work right ups that I would need in June.

Thankfully AF arrived as predicted and I called the GYN office to tell them of my CD 1. Last Thursday, June 10, I went to have my FSH level for CD 3 taken. I kept my hopes up that the levels would be in the normal range, and when I called my GYN on Friday, the receptionist told me that they were in deed in the normal range. Whew!!! Today I just finished up the last dose of 100mg of clomid, or rather the generic form of it. I really did anticipate the worst of side effects, which thankfully have not happened. :) What I have experienced so far is nausea (UGH!) and just started having some hot flashes last night and today. Other than that, things have gone pretty smooth for me. My CD 10 FSH level will be done tomorrow, June 17th, and will prayerfully show that it is going in the right direction. My ultra sound is scheduled for Monday, June 21st, since the actual day would have been on Saturday.

For now, I am actually keeping pretty calm about all of this. Yes, I am excited, but I am really trying to not get over anxious and take one day at a time. This process so far has brought my husband and I closer. I couldn't imagine that happening because we were already so close, but it has. To all of you that are praying for us, thank you so much. It is so appreciated and we would like to ask for your continued prayers. :)

Hugs and blessings,

An Update... and More "Baby Stuff" Pics

2010-04-16T21:17:00.000-07:00

Hey everyone! I hope that each one of you is enjoying the weather, it has been really nice here these last few weeks. We have had several days with above normal temperatures. May is coming closer and closer with each passing day... my next appointment with my GYN is on May 5th. So many emotions are running through my mind right now. Thankfully I have lost weight, but I know that it is not as much she or I have been hoping for. At this point I am just keeping my fingers crossed that she will allow me to go on Clomid when I see her in a few a couple of weeks.

We all must count our blessings, which is exactly what I am doing... AF is here each and every month, on somewhat of a consistent basis, even though the number of days in my cycle maybe different each time. Also, as I have been taking ovulation predictors, I am at least still getting a faint second line. However, sometimes I wonder if the ovulation predictors are worth the effort, or if they cause more stress than good?

Before I show you more pictures of some of the items that are in my "Baby Stuff" box, I just want all of you to know that I have had a prayer answered. There was something that has been on my mind and it has been through much prayer and the prayers of all of you that I received an answer this week. It is not something that I can be open about, but just know that I am so thankful to all of you who have been praying for Scott and I. ;) You're the best!!!

Alright, on to more pictures... (these are all of bibs ~ really cute farm ones!)

Hugs and blessings,

A Mixed Box of Emotion...

2010-03-02T21:36:00.000-08:00

Hi Everyone!

Things here have been going well. I have had a lot of work at school, which has been a blessing to help with the bills and Scott has been staying busy as always too. We renewed our membership to the Rec Center and have been going. In the last week or so we have both gotten sick with a runny nose, coughing, sore throat and I have been running a low grade fever. Hopefully it will end soon. It is the worst when you don't feel well. Nope, no pregnancy. AF just left. Or should I say, thankfully she finally left. :) It's a glad she's coming (if you know what I mean) and glad when she leaves!!!!

As for the title of this post, I was going through some things and doing a little bit of spring cleaning a couple of weeks ago and came across this storage bin.

It has been so long since I actually have opened it up and took a look at what I bought several years ago. Many emotions went through my mind. I cried and then thought about giving the things in here away and then cried some more. Thankfully, I actually opened it up and of course, cried a lot more at what was inside. In some ways I didn't want to open it and do that to myself, but in some other odd ways it was good for me because it gave me some sense of hope and a goal to continue to strive for as Scott and I work out and eat right.

The beautiful little things that are in here were purchased when I worked at Wal-Mart several years ago. I can remember the excitement when I found something and would treasure it and put it in this box with so much hope for what was to come. Sometimes I wonder where that hope has gone and others I feel like God is telling me to stay patient and be calm and take one day at a time. I know that you are probably wanting to see pictures, so without further delay we will take a look at what some of the things inside this container are, with more pictures to come in my future posts because there are just so many things to share.

I am sure by now you can guess what the theme of the other items are going to be as well. If not, stay tuned for more pictures. :)

Thank you for all of your continued prayers, they mean so much to me and Scott. For now I am focused on trying to keep my goal so that by the beginning of May I can go on Clomid when I see my GYN again.

Hugs and blessings,

Merry Christmas 2009!

2009-12-22T09:01:00.000-08:00

Our fall harvest has kept both Scott and I very busy. Thankfully we were able to finally put harvest 2009 in the books during the week of Thanksgiving. If you would like to see and read all about it, you can check out my other blog and there you'll find some great pictures and even get to take a ride along in the combine! Challenging is exactly what this past season has been for us, due to weather and some problems with our grain system which dumped out over 1000 bushels of corn on the ground and had our lines that runs under the drive way to the silo's plugged up. Some may ask, um, well, how do you pick up all of that corn? One word says it all, which is SHOVEL! Yes, I said shovel. My FIL and myself shoveled it into the front end loader and then he dumped it back into the semi truck. Yep, thought we would never get to the end of it!!! But, with the good Lord's help, we did and harvest successfully was finished. My husband worked very long hours, in fact for the whole entire time during September, October and November, he was averaging about 90 hours a week and then trying to come home and farm too! The one week, I will admit, I was ready to scream because he put in 104 hours! Prayerfully we got through these months and are now looking forward to some more down time and the holidays coming.

I want to take this special moment and let those of you who have had miracles come into your life in 2009 how happy I am for you and much congratulations. It seems like this has certainly been the year not only for the blogging world, but Scott and I's friends as well. So many babies!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

For Scott and I, it just seems like we are still struggling. This past summer has been the last time that we have gone to the rec center to work out and to be quite honest with you, I have been grieving over my diagnosis with diabetes. It has been painful to say the least. In the last several months, I have not been truly doing what I should and have gotten away from the good routine that I was on. There have been so many emotions surrounding this diagnosis for me. The one thing is, I just can't believe that at my age I have had to suffer all of the health problems that I have had. And, as much as I know it to be true that there is a reason why for everything, is still hurts. There are days that I feel like I have lost my life and that I am so tired of the continual complications arising for us.

Our journey through infertility keeps getting longer and longer. Time is flying by and I can't believe that we have already been married a year and a half, which means that we have been actively trying for a year and a half. It is with the grace of God that I have gotten this far. The great news is, I have really managed to give our infertility to God and for the most part have had peace in doing so. However, honestly there have been times that I have fallen flat on my face and been dropped to my knees. Although I can say that they have been few and far between and much better since last year, they still do happen for me. I know that we all fall short of the Glory of God and that with His grace we are able to stand again. It may sound crazy to you, but I have even gone through puppy fever because I want a baby so much.

My next OBGYN appointment is in May and I am praying that by then I can lose the needed weight to get down to what she would have me to. It would be great to be able to do that and even lose a little more. Thankfully I have kept some of the weight off that I lost last winter, however, Scott tells me that he has gained his back. Which of course scares me in more ways than one. There is some reason as to why we have taken to food in our lives and have now ended up as we are. The show Biggest Loser makes me want to figure out what really drives me to my addiction and I would like for Scott to figure his out as well. And so, as I remember this beautiful Christmas season and how our Lord came to be with us, I hope that he comes and is able to stay with Scott and I daily and really gives us the focus that we need to answer some of the questions that are out there.

I am praying for all of you on a daily basis. It is my prayer that as Christ is born this season that he continues to be a part of your lives and that his birth is the renewal of faith that He wants us to have in Him. May all of your wishes come true and that the light of Christ be ever present now and always guiding you. I truly hope that this Christmas is a blessing for each and every one of you and that you and your families share in many blessings together.

I would love to share a picture with you of a very sweet little miracle named Cameron, who just so happens to be part of my family. His precious parents waited on him to come into their lives and since then he has certainly been a light for not only them but our family as well, including Scott and I. If you would like to follow the beautiful little miracle, you can check out Lisa's blog. To Shawn and Lisa, your love and support means the world to me and Scott. It is impossible to tell you in words just what you mean to us. Before we were ever born, Christ knew of the special bond that we would have as family and so I have already gotten one of the most precious gifts in life, YOU! We love you so much!!! Thank you for all you do and the awesome Christians that the world sees in you.

From our home to your home, Merry Christmas! May it be as magical and as blessed as the day our Lord came to Earth! We'll be thinking about you and praying for you all!

Hugs and Blessings,

A Busy Fall Weekend

2009-10-12T16:25:00.000-07:00

As always is seems like the weekend just flies by, doesn't it. This past weekend was filled with a special activity everyday, which helped the weekend move along rather quickly as it does when one is busy. Well after coming home from school on Friday, Scott and I had a 50th Wedding Anniversary party to go to. Wow~50 years! That is so amazing and beautiful. Anyway, I ended up going with one of Scott's aunts because he had to work and did not get home until around 10pm. Now mind you, he went to work at around 4:00 am! Needless to say my hardworking husband put in 84 hours last week and was supposed to work on Sunday, but made a choice not to. Yep, money is great, but my husband being home or at least not at work until the late hours is more important sometimes.

On Saturday, a dear friend of mine surprised me and came up for a small visit. She just got married over this past summer and so she and her husband came to spend some time with me and Scott, but it ended up being with just me because my dear hubby was working. They were headed to family of her husband's because he has a cousin that is leaving soon to go to Iraq for 3 months and then when she comes back, her husband (his cousin's husband) leaves a month later for a year's stay in Iraq! Talk about tears wanting to fall! I absolutely love anyone who gives their time and serves in the military for our country. What a blessing and it makes my heart feel proud and so humbled by them. So, here is a picture from their wedding over the summer, it was a beautiful day and a perfect couple!

On Sunday, the Christian Education committee sponsored a Fall Harvest party at church. Since I am a Sunday school teacher, I am on that committee and love, love, love it because not only do I get to teach but we get to do some awesome things like we did yesterday. There was about 70 of us there and well, I must say that everyone had a great time. The games were a big hit and the kids loved playing them. We played a team race to see who could dress the adult like a scarecrow faster ~ oh yeah that was so funny! One group had their team's scarecrow's bibs on backwards! hahahaha Another game was where the kids had to have their hands behind their backs and see who could eat the powdered donut off of the string first. Many came back over and over and over for this one. Besides these games and football, basketball and volleyball, we played drop the clothes pin in the jar and toss the ping pong ball in the plastic pumpkin. Oh and yes, not to forget, pick a tootsie pop out of the straw to see who got the one with the black end. Sounds like fun huh! Well, that wasn't all either, we had a scavenger hunt, potluck supper and then hayride and bonfire with smores made from Hershey's, Reese peanut butter cups and Snickers! MMMMMMM!!! Alright now that you are all hungry, I will share some pictures with you.

Hope y'all had a great weekend too! Thanks for all of the info on clomid in my last post. It has eased my concerns a lot. Stay warm, cause I know certainly that I am tryin' to. Our temps here in NW Ohio are below normal! Yucky! Oh well, until next time...

Blessings and hugs,

Just Curious

2009-10-08T19:14:00.000-07:00

I know that many of the ladies here in blogland have taken or are currently taking clomid and I was just thinking about it today for when I get started on it in a few months. Yes, I know, I know, just as my wonderful hubby Scott tells me, it is a scary thing when I get to thinking. With thinking then comes curiosity and worry, and as I have mentioned before I totally worry about everything. Scott is always telling me that I worry waaaaaaay too much. So, my question is, how bad is it really? What experiences have you had if this has been a treatment that you have used? It is my understanding that it can affectionately be called the "devil drug." My reasons for asking are because of my concern for Scott and his ability to handle me being on it. After all, I do want a husband still around when prayerfully God places a miracle in our lives, just don't want to be a single mom with a husband that has tossed me to the other side of the US. (hahahaha) As a woman, with PCOS, depression and imbalances in my body, I pray that we can make it through with me on it. Believe me, I can go from being happy to being really ticked off in less than say 10 seconds already, and I can not imagine how my body is going to react to it. Go ahead, please feel free to be as honest as you like. With my high hopes, I can get off the needed extra 15 to 20 pounds the doctor would like for me to before we start clomid. My next GYN appointment is in May. It would be great to be able to start before then and even get off a little more than what has been asked of me. Oh how I wish I was going through this a few years ago, before I bloomed to the biggest size I had ever been. Thanks in advance for all of your support and knowledge. The things that we as women are willing to put our bodies through in order to have precious children always amazes me. It makes me think of the song that I have at the bottom in my song list called The Pants by Brad Paisley. Oh how true this is girls!!!!!!!

Blessings and prayers always,

WHERE ARE YOU?

2009-10-07T04:06:00.000-07:00

In the words of one of my dear followers Becky, WHERE ARE YOU? Um, well, all I have to answer that question is by saying that I have been very busy. I know, I know, we are all busy right. However, when I get busy, the computer seems to be one of the last things on my priority list. Yes, I have been a terrible blogger and did not think that time would go by like this in between my last post and now. But really for me, time has flown by so quickly that over the summer I feel like I blinked three times and it was back to school time once again. Whew ~ they say as you get older time goes by faster, and at this rate, if it goes by any quicker the days will be gone like a NHRA dragster speeding down the track!!! So really, just how busy have you been? To answer that question, I am just going to have to do what I used to do in college and bullet each month or subject and give you a little blip about them. Okay, are you ready? I promise, I won't post too long.

MAY/JUNE ~ At the end of May and the first part of June, I finished up a long term sub position in Kindergarten. That was what I was doing the last time I posted. My time spent in this Kindergarten classroom was awesome and I do believe that God intended for me to be there and have the most blessed experiences that I did. What a way to connect with the principal, wink, wink. I mean after all if there are any job openings, she and I have bonded quite well. :)

LAST OF JUNE ~ During the middle and end of June I spent many hours trying to get prepared for the Preschool that I was hopefully going to get started at church. In the answer to all of my work, no it did not happen. So, that tells me pretty clearly that God has other windows opened for me to climb through. :) And yes, I am very excited about that.

JULY ~ Wheat harvest time! Straw bales need to be made! Equipment needs to be cared for! Enough said, I suppose. (lol)

AUGUST ~ Vacation Bible school at church took up the first week and of course I had to be the Bible Story Leader for all age groups. I really did love doing it and my suspicions are that they wanted me to because I am a teacher not only in real life but in Sunday school as well. :) Then, Scott and I took off on vacation for OUR FIRST ANNIVERSARY!!!!!!! We took his parent's 5th wheel camper and away we went south. We stopped to see my aunt in the southern part of Ohio, which was a real treat and then on to Virginia to spend the week at a gorgeous state park, near Scott's brother in Smithfield. Smithfield is part of the historic area in Virginia and very close to Williamsburg, which I had never been to and loved every minute of it because I truly love American history. We had a great time. Yes, I did not want to come back, at least for another week, but just one week there and time to head home.

END OF AUGUST ~ Our county fair is at the end of August and the Monday in which we returned home, we had tickets bought for the Craig Morgan show. Our tickets were bought back in May for this show and there was no way we were going to miss it. Craig Morgan is a country music singer and is most famous for his International Harvester song. I think it may be on my play list, not sure. I will check that out and see. By this time it is the week before school starts and I am getting ready to prepare to get back in the routine again. Let's see we got home on Monday, went to the concert and Tuesday morning bright and early, the substitute caller phoned me and told me that I was going to be teaching 5th and 6th grade long term, because the teacher went skydiving and had a terrible accident, if I wanted it, of course. Um, 5th and 6th grade? Yikes I start this Thursday! So, needless to say I took the challenge and taught 5th and 6th grade up until a week ago. Kind of scary you know, because I am not very tall and these children are as tall, if not taller than myself. However, it was a most blessed experience. At this particular school, in the same school district as I had taught Kindergarten in, had gotten a new principal. Perfect! We have developed a great relationship and hopefully has helped me gain another few inches in the door for when a job opens up! Not to mention that the other teachers had a party for me on my last Friday and brought me gifts! Totally was not expecting that, but so humbled.

Oh yes, let us not forget the 4 graduation parties, 4 weddings and bridal showers, 2 funerals and a baby shower that helped to sprinkle in some activity into our schedule. O let me not forget all of the canning that I have done as well! 60 pounds of beef, 6 long rows of sweet corn both frozen and canned, and green beans! Anyone ever canned before, yep, it's a chore in August, but so good in the winter time! :) Oh yeah!

TTC ~ So sorry to disappoint you, but nothing has happened for us. Since I have decided to go into denial about my diabetes and not take care of myself the way that I should, I have not been able to lose any more weight and yep, my glucose levels have not been where they were or should be. For anyone who has unbalanced glucose levels, it pretty much tells your body that there is no way you should be pregnant and puts a pretty good stop to it. :( With that being said, it is my goal to get back into an exercise routine again and get off the needed 15 pounds so that I can start Clomid in May when I see my GYN. The good news is that I have not gained much weight back, only a couple of pounds and Scott has kept his mostly off too. :) Praise be to God!

I know, you are all probably wondering what in the world am I doing posting now. I mean it has been this long, why bother. Well, I got up at my normal time and decided that today this was going to be my top priority since I had the day off from subbing. Oh how I have missed you all and have gotten caught up on some of the happenings going on out there in blogland. I would like to congratulate Becky on the birth of her handsome son Nicholas as well as congratulate Becky B., Mary and Emily on their pregnancies as well. :) God's blessings to you, especially to any of you great ladies who have awesome news as well that I may not have mentioned or did not know about. My prayers, as always, are with each and everyone of us and I know that in my strong faith all of our wombs will be opened up to have our precious miracles.

Thanks for all of your thoughts and prayers. Now that I am back to subbing again and on a routine, I will make my best effort to blog as much as I can. :) Today I had the day off and it feels really good to be able to take care of things that have been neglected around the house due to my busy school schedule. :)

Hugs and blessings y'all,

Holiday Weekend Here I Come!

2009-05-21T20:59:00.000-07:00

I am sure that you are all just as excited as I am about this holiday weekend. Who wouldn't be with the great weather we are supposed to have. My to do list is long and I am really excited about getting the chance to work on it and quite possibly have Scott home to get the garden planted. If we keep our fingers crossed, the remainder of the 125 acres of corn will be planted and finished up by Friday evening, that is provided all of the machinery does not break down. Breaking things is so common when you farm, one simple little project could take you a day or more because you just never know what is going to happen. Having all 1500 acres planted and finished up would be so wonderful, and getting to enjoy the weekend with out all of the rush would just be an added bonus for us! :)

Speaking of to do list, I am going out tomorrow to some Mennonite greenhouses and get some flowers to work with this weekend after school tomorrow. I can hardly wait! I just hope that they are not all sold out by now. My friend and I are venturing out together and are excited about getting together to go and flower shop. :) She is a real blessing in so many ways. Not to forget, she has three of the most handsome boys in the world! I will have to post pictures of my purchases tomorrow for all of you to see.

Enjoy all of God's blessings this day and may you find peace and joy in all that you do in His name.

Hugs and blessings,

80 DEGREES!

2009-05-20T20:32:00.000-07:00

I can't believe it, for the first time all spring we actually hit 80 degrees today. It was absolutely gorgeous here in our little part of Ohio today. The great thing is we are supposed to get to 84 tomorrow and still stay in the upper 70's the whole holiday weekend. I can hardly wait! It is going to be just perfect!! No rain is in the forecast and with the most pleasant temperatures and blue skies, who could possibly ask for more? Whew hew!!! Can you tell that I am excited? Hahahaha :)

The crops are moving right along and am really keeping my fingers crossed that by the Sunday, at the latest Monday, the rest of the beans will have been planted and that we will be finished for the spring planting season. Now we just will need a little rain to help things grow, after Monday of course.

Thanks for all of the great support with Scott and I and our weight loss. Yes, I am very proud of us both. :) Scott makes me so happy and joyful because he has been willing to go the extra mile with me and do what it takes to be able to conceive a child together. I know of some couples where that is not the case. God has certainly blessed me and I thank him everyday for the gift that he has provided for me with my wonderful and absolutely amazing husband.

Just 9 days left of school! I am so looking forward to having some of that valuable extra time on my hands. :) If you would, please pray for me about finding work for next year. It would be absolutely wonderful to get a full time job with benefits so that Scott could go full time on the farm with his dad. It is so wonderful how God has answered my prayers for this year and being able to do this long term sub position. Now, I just need some direction for next year. As I have told you all before, there are several options that I am looking at for the fall. One is doing full time in home daycare, the others are starting a preschool at church, finding a full time teaching position or continue to substitute teach.

My family could certainly use your continued prayers. We are having some rough trials right now with several different things. Prayerfully and certainly thankfully I have been able to take each day as it comes and make the most of it. Right now I am enjoying the fact that my emotions are not running wild and I am on the up and down roller coaster of TTC. Thank you dear God. What an awesome feeling it is.

Have an absolutely beautiful day and may many wonderful reminders of God's love shine on you!

Hugs and blessings,

The Count Down Is On!

2009-05-19T20:46:00.000-07:00

Well girls, I have to tell you that the little ones that I have been having a blast teaching are actually counting down the days until summer vacation. Yes, I too am looking forward to having some time off and getting my painting, landscaping and organizing all done. :) It has been on my to do list for several months now and am so glad that the time is approaching and hope that the weather continues to get warmer and warmer. It has been kinda cold in our little corner of Ohio. :) There are 11 days left for students and 12 for teachers because the teachers alway have a work day to close down their rooms for the summer and then check out.

Praises be to God because all of our corn has been planted and some of it is actually sprouting! :) We have a few hundred acres left of beans to plant and then we will be all done with that for this year. :) We are keeping our fingers crossed that it will be done by Sunday, provided we don't have any problems with the equipment running right or breaking down on us.

It was a blessing to hear from all of you. Thank you so much for all of your words of encouragement. :) They mean a lot to me.

In our TTC news, no, we have not even come close to getting pregnant. In March I had clearly ovulated, but not since then. For this month, I don't know why, but AF decided to show up 10 days late! ugh!!!!!!! However, in good news, Scott and I continue to lose weight. We have not gone to the rec center in a couple of months due to the spring farm schedule, but will pick back up as soon as we can. Scott has lost 30 to 35 pounds and I have lost between 20 to 25 pounds. Not only have we lost weight, but Scott and I have found that we are losing inches too. He told me tonight that he needs to make another notch in his belt now! I am sooooooo proud of him.

I do believe that my prayers are being answered because, knock on wood, I have not had any major melt downs about wanting to get pregnant ASAP. For a while now I have been able to hold myself together and really in some ways put our TTC thoughts on the back burner. Maybe it is because I am focused on the weight loss, or maybe it is because I have to get the weight off before my GYN will even think of starting me on clomid. Plus, we technically are not considered infertile until 12 months of TTC, which would put us at the end of August. It's just like I have been able to relax a little and have some faith in God in knowing that my dream will come true someday. Right now it is not something that has been such a burden on me emotionally like it has been in the recent past.

Well, my pillows are calling me. It is after midnight here and I need to rise and shine and be ready for my little ones again tomorrow. Just 11 more days. The time with these precious little ones has certainly gone by fast. Thank you so much for you continued prayers, just as you are always in my thoughts and prayers too.

Hugs and blessings,

Hello Everyone!

2009-05-18T18:16:00.000-07:00

Hi ladies!

Yes, I am still alive. To be honest with you, I have been extremely busy and have not had the chance to even get on the computer for many, many days, even weeks. Thanks for hanging in there with me. With this full time sub job that I have, planting and field work, keeping up with the chores around the house and family time, you could say that the time I have had left has been pretty much zero! I am sooooooo sorry. A few times I have even talked to Scott about just putting the blog on hold or even stopping completely. However, that breaks my heart to think that I would stop and not be able to keep up with all of the wonderful things going on in your lives. You have all been such a wonderful support system and friends for me and I wouldn't want to lose any of you! Scott really doesn't want me to quit either and knows how important all of you are to me. So at this point I have decided to keep going and will do my very best to keep up with my blog. Please keep Scott and I in your prayers, as well as my family. We certainly could use them right now. :) Just know that all of you have been in my prayers each and every day and I certainly think of you all often.

Hugs and blessings,

I hate being sick!

2009-04-21T20:15:00.000-07:00

You have all probably been wondering what in the world happened to me again. Well, to say the least, I have been sick. ugh!!!!!!! I hate being sick period in any shape or form. This time it has been a runny nose, congestion, coughing and headache. It set in early last week and by the weekend Scott and I both had in and were in competition to see who could use the most tissues! I guess 3 boxes in 2 days isn't that bad? Thankfully we are getting better little by little. :)

Since my last post, I have got some really wonderful news about school. On Sunday night, I got a phone call from P (the substitute caller for one of my favorite school districts) to schedule me for some more days. An hour or so later P called me back and said that she had a change in plans for me. No big deal, I'm flexible. One of the kindergarten teachers, J, was going on maternity leave early. J was one of the teachers that requested me all of the time and also told me that she wanted me for the last week in school because she loves the way I keep things neat and the wonderful job that I do with the children. It seems that J, who is 33 weeks pregnant, was in the hospital all last weekend and was not able to keep her blood pressure in control, even on meds. So, the doctor put her on bed rest and I am now taking her place in the classroom! Let me tell you I am so excited!!!!!!! It has been two great days with the children, I absolutely love being in their classroom. :) I know the rest of the school year is going to go by quickly and so I am trying to enjoy it as much as I can! :) Thanks be to God. I have prayed for answers as to what I needed to do and for now I know that I am right where I should be. Just like I am sure that I will be right where I need to be in the weeks to come as the new school year starts. Do I stay home and do in home day care, start the preschool at church, still substitute teach, or maybe even get a full time job? Just as God has answered my prayers now, I know he will be answering them in the weeks to come as to what my next focus should be.

Well my friends, I just wanted to post and let you know what has been happening around our house. I hope all of you are going to be able to enjoy the beautiful weather we have coming this weekend. Even as sick as I was last Saturday and Sunday, I still got out and raked leaves, picked up sticks and mowed the yard. It felt really good to be in the sunshine. :) I am so looking forward to more sunshine and almost 80 degrees this Saturday and Sunday. :)

I promise that I will be catching up on all of your blogs in the next day or so. I have a great picture that I am looking forward to sharing with you of a beautiful gift that I got from a pass it forward blogger. :) Have a great hump day everyone!!!!!!! Keeping my fingers crossed that I get to see 2 pink lines the same darkness this week on my ovulation predictor again.

Hugs and blessings,

A great Easter weekend!!!

2009-04-13T13:38:00.000-07:00

The Reilly's had a great Easter weekend. I am so excited to be able to share all about it with you. :)

First up is the Easter egg hunt on Saturday. WOW! It was great. We had almost 50 children participate and of course our 2000 eggs too were spread out everywhere, some hid better than others. Most of them were just scattered around the whole yard. :)

Here we see the eggs scattered across the front steps into our church. There was just so many of them that everywhere you looked there were eggs. In the next few pictures, you will see how they were spread out and scattered across the whole area that the church owns. It was truly an unbelievable site to see. As the children came they were in amazement as to how many eggs there were. I think their eyes were as big as the eggs too. (lol)

The church bus even got into the action, thanks to Pastor Tom who had a very bright idea in putting the yellow eggs here! :)

The helpers even put my van to good use as you can see here in these pictures. It was affectionately called the Easter Buggy thanks once again to our amazing Pastor Tom. Tom truly is a wonderful Pastor and someone you can truly tell has been called into the ministry for all of the right reasons! Praises be to God for that.

After all of the fun with the Easter egg hunt, I came home and prepared for my parents to arrive. On Saturday evening we had a nice supper out at Applebee's and came home to prepare for our family meal on Sunday. My mom and I colored eggs while my dad and Scott had time to talk, check things out on the internet and share some jokes.

On Sunday morning, we all went to church together. It is always nice to have my parents go with us. I really enjoy having them here and join us in worshiping our amazing Heavenly Father. Scott's family came over around 12:30 to have dinner with us. There were 15 of us around our farmhouse table in the dining room. Having Easter at our house has become a tradition and I really love doing it. Everyone had a great time talking, laughing and just catching up on all of the activities that are going on. It really was a blessing as always to spend time with not only Scott's family, but my parents as well. We couldn't have asked for anything more, including the beautiful sunshine that fell down from the sky. Thanks be to God!

I hope that all of you had a great weekend and a very blessed Easter. My thoughts and prayers were with you all and as always continue to be with you each and every day.

Hugs and blessings,

Wow! Where did the week go?

2009-04-10T21:16:00.000-07:00

Well I am sure that all of you can relate to getting time off and it going by quickly. It seems that my week has been filled to the brim with things to do. But, I am actually very happy about that. It means that I am actually getting back to what I know to be my old self. For that I am so grateful. :)

Today I spent cleaning the house and getting things ready for tomorrow's Easter egg hunt at church. My parents are coming up tomorrow night for Easter so I have got to get the house back into shape. :) Yep, I have the camera out and ready to take with me. Now I hope that I remember to pick it up and take it with me. :) Once again, Scott helped me finish filling little treat bags for all of our hunters tomorrow. Since I do not know how many to plan for and it was advertised in 2 different papers and on 2 different signs, I made up 200 bags. That would be totally awesome if we got to use all of them. :) My husband is so great. It is a blessing to know that we are there for each other and when it comes to needing help, we both just dive in and help one another out. :) What a blessing!

Have a great Saturday everyone. :) I will look forward to posting all about the egg hunt.

Hugs and blessings,

Welcome to the Sunny Side!!!

2009-04-09T19:59:00.000-07:00

OH YEAH!!! We have gotten to see the most beautiful sunshine both yesterday and today. Let me tell you how goooooood it is and feels. The temps have been hanging in there right around in the 50's during the day. Not bad considering what it was earlier in the week. Thank you God!

Well, yesterday and today I kept myself pretty busy. I was in my glory working out in the yard picking up limbs and raking small sticks and acorns up around our trees. With the three piles of acorns that I had around just one tree, it filled our little wagon. And yes, not to forget playing ball with my precious dog Gizmo. Just say the word "outside" and she just gets so excited. Actually last night she was having so much fun that she did not even want to come in and eat while Scott and I were eating our supper. Normally she follows us right in, but not last night. It was so cute because this morning I woke up to her snoring. :) I think she really played hard and was plum tuckered out. Too much playing ball with mommy, chasing the cats and chewing on her giant dog bone. Let me tell you Santa Claus brought her this bone, which is long enough to clothes line you if she is trying to get around you to come in the door! I'll have to take a picture of her with it. :)

We had church services tonight in remembrance of the Last Supper. This is one of the hardest services for me because of knowing what Jesus was going to go through in the hours to come. After church, Scott and I came home and finished filling the eggs with the candy that I bought today. What a great helper Scott is. :) How wonderful it was to just work on something simple like putting candy into plastic eggs. It was sooooooo much fun!

Have a wonderful Good Friday everyone. What a wonderful and amazing thing Jesus has done for us. Let us never forget how much He loves us all.

Hugs and blessings,

Eggs, eggs and more SNOW!

2009-04-07T19:27:00.000-07:00

Yep, you guessed it, we are still getting snow today. All I have to say is this really is not funny at all. Here I am filling all 2000 Easter eggs for our hunt on Saturday and it is snowing like it were still January or February. UGH!!! On the bright side though, I have so enjoyed filling all of these eggs and could not have done it with out the help of 4 great people at church. We started filling eggs tonight at 4:00 and had to stop at 7:00 because we ran out of candy. So, the remaining box will be mine to do. Go get more candy, check, on my to do list. :) Despite the weather, I have really enjoyed having these last couple of days off. Since my glucose levels have been better and more balanced lately, I actually feel like getting stuff done. You might say that my old self is coming back around and I am so glad. It is a very welcome feeling. Not 100% yet, but getting closer and closer, and for that I am very happy. Now if only spring weather would come and stick around. Hopefully this last little bit of snow is now gone and will not be seen until next season. I am keeping my fingers crossed for Saturday and the weather for our egg hunt. Just like the little ones, I am so excited and can not wait to see the smiles on their faces and watch them have a wonderful time hunting all of the eggs. :)

Have a joyful day everyone. My thoughts and prayers are with you all.

Hugs and blessings,

Spring, where are you?

2009-04-04T20:34:00.000-07:00

I certainly wish spring would come and stay. The weather here has been nothing but cold. It may have been almost 55 degrees today, but you would have never known it because it felt like 3o something with the wind blowing so hard. Scott and I were out in it all day. We went to an auction to buy a small cultivator to work on the wash outs in the fields with and ended up not buying one and came home with a tool washer and a hand pump for me instead. I am so excited about the hand pump because I am going to hook it up and make a fountain out of it by using a bucket/barrel. :) Let me tell you I was so thankful that I had my Carhart coat on with the hood and my mittens with me. Even with my mittens on and Justin boots, I still had frozen toes and fingers.

Well, I hope all of you are having a great weekend. I am looking forward to Palm Sunday service at church. It is hard to believe that Holy Week is already upon us.

Hugs and blessings,

A Dedication

2009-04-02T21:07:00.001-07:00

All is well on this Thursday evening. Today was my typical day at school and then chores around the house when I came home.

Later on this evening I got a call from one of my close friends M and it was so good to hear her voice and talk with her. We haven't talked in several weeks. She truly is a sweetheart and has been such a great friend and supporter for me throughout some really bumpy roads in my life in recent years. The reason for my post tonight is to dedicate this message to her from me. You see God always knows how to put things in perspective for me, and let me tell you, tonight it was crystal clear. M has PCOS too and has been dealing with it for a long time as well. She unfortunately has struggled so much that she had not seen AF in over 5 years. With the cysts on her ovaries, she developed what could have potentially been cancer. Just less than a year ago M had a complete hysterectomy and thankfully no cancer was found. As I talked with her tonight I could tell that in some ways this was bothering her more than she had lead me to believe in the past. A very humbling feeling fell over me and I was really scared to talk too much about Scott and I trying to have a baby. She told me that while talking with her cousin, she said that she really wishes she could feel what it was like to be a mother. M's cousin told her, "yes, you can," and she told her, "no, I can't!" My eyes filled with tears at the thought of how wonderful a mom M will be. I couldn't find the words and was left with speechlessness. What do you say in those times? I can't imagine what she is going through because the reality is, biologically she will not be able to have a child of her own. M is such a strong woman, she is always so positive for me. In fact, there have been so many times that she has believed more in me than I have myself. My heart aches for her so much. As you can see this is why I say that God always puts things in perspective for me. Here I am still with the opportunity to have a child of my own and she is faced with just the opposite. So, tonight I dedicate this post to her. M you are a great friend and someone who has shown me what true strength means. All of those bumpy spots in my life were eased because I could count on you for a positive pep talk and an optimistic outlook on good things ahead. You have given me the kind of unconditional support that only a good friend does. My life has been richly blessed because I have found a friendship in you. I admire your strength and want you to know that I will be eternally indebted to you for all you have done for me. My thoughts and prayers are with you each and every day and am hopeful that God will give you peace in your heart and many blessings in the days to come. I am so proud to call you my friend M, thanks for being you. :)

As you say your prayers this day and night, please remember M. Thank you to all of you who have given me so much support and shown me the true meaning of friendship. I care for you all very much. :) My thoughts and prayers are with you all.

Hugs and blessings always,

April Fool's and yep, I got caught!

2009-04-01T19:59:00.000-07:00

Well with today being April Fool's Day, I expected to have a lot of pranks tried on me at school today. But, much to my surprise I did not. Until the end of the day. I had bus duty in the "bus room" which really is the gym at school. After a lot of the kids were there, one of the 2nd graders that I have had in class came up to me and told me that my shoe was untied. Yep, you guessed, I looked down and fell for it hook, line and sinker! He laughed and so did I. It was a great little moment.

Other than school today, I had a christian education meeting tonight at church. This was our typical monthly meeting. They asked how the eggs and candy were coming and I told them how many eggs that I had and they all looked at me with their huge eyes. You know, just over 1500 eggs really isn't that many is it? I'll bet the Easter Bunny doesn't think so. (lol) Actually, the funny thing is I had several of them offer to get more eggs and candy since this was going to be their first community egg hunt. Last month I opened my mouth about this and boy did they love the idea! I had so much fun shopping for the eggs and candy and am looking forward to filling them all. :) Nope, I have not touched a piece of the candy, nor opened a bag of any of it. YES! I am really proud of myself.

On a more serious note, please take a moment and pray for Amanda. Amanda also has PCOS and is just a little over 7 weeks pregnant. She is bleeding very heavy and it has not stopped all day today. She is scheduled for an u/s tomorrow. Amanda is such a sweet blogger, I can't imagine how scared she must be right now. If you have the chance, I encourage you to stop by her blog, let her know that you are praying for her.

I just want all of you to know that you are in my prayers. There are so many of you having to face trials these days. I think of you often throughout the day and am so thankful that you are a part of my life. What a wonderful gift you are.

Hugs and blessings,

Typical Tuesday

2009-03-31T22:45:00.000-07:00

Just another Tuesday in the neighborhood. Not much really happening but my usual schedule today. Subbed at school in 2nd grade and as always enjoyed working with the children. For several days now I have been wanting to get outside and do some yard work. As I was getting ready for school this morning I made the plan to come home and head outside to rake and pick up sticks in the yard. The weather was a little warmer today, but still cloudy. I really enjoyed getting outside and doing some work even with the clouds. Our forecast for the remainder of the week looks like it will continue to get a little warmer and by Thursday I think we are supposed to finally get to around 60, which has not happened yet. It looks like we will have a typical rainy start to April with rain all night and through the morning tomorrow.

All in all for the last couple of weeks, since my really big meltdown with Scott, I have been able to do better each day. I am very thankful that God has given me peace in my heart right now. It feels so good to not have my emotions running wild and out of control. With spring here and the newness that is all around with the flowers starting to peak through the ground and the birds singing, I have a beautiful calmness to my spirit. :) Praise God! There are so many projects that I am anxious to tackle soon. One of which is to get our home landscaped. The other is to finish the painting that needs so desperately done. It is my prayer that the renewed energy that I felt today and the calmness that my spirit has will continue to be present in my life for many days to come. :)

Well, it is time to hit the sack and prepare for tomorrow. Thankfully today was not quite as hard as yesterday with the cravings. Getting outside and moving and working really helped to keep my mind focused and not on my cravings. In my diabetes class, they told us to keep moving. Well, today I did just that and had great results. With the new stress that my body is going through because of all of the changes, I can understand in some ways why I have been having these cravings. Which, after talking with my dad this afternoon, has enlightened me. I now understand that this is one of the phases that will happen and my dad reassured me that I would get through this because I was doing the right things. :) Thanks dad!!!

Hugs and blessings,

Easter eggs and candy everywhere!!!

2009-03-30T20:50:00.000-07:00

To put it lightly, it looks like our dining room was opened up and the Easter bunny's basket broke and totally exploded everywhere! Today I spent shopping for Easter eggs and candy to fill them with for our church egg hunt on April 11th. Yesterday I collected $100 from my church family to buy eggs and candy. Well, I certainly put it to good use. :) When I got home and counted up all of the eggs that I had bought, there was over 1500! Jinkies ~ hopefully the Easter bunny will help me hide them all. (lol) I bought so much candy that I think I am going to go nuts. Let me tell you, I have not had candy since being diagnosed with diabetes and well today, yep, today I could not resist. I went most of the day with out and finally just had to have some. Oh yeah, it was really good. :) I guess I can chalk this day up to one of my falling short of my goal days. But, sometimes, you got to do what your mind and heart are yearning for. I simply do not want to have to go crazy anymore.

Speaking of diabetes, but boy o' boy have I been hungry these last few days. I do not know why this is, but maybe that is the reason for me eating candy today. Any other time I could just pass it up and not think about it, but not today. Any of you have experience with diabetes or know of someone who does? Does this ever occur to them? Hopefully it stops, because if not I will definitely gain all the weight back that I have worked so hard at losing. Speaking of weight loss, I have lost almost 20 pounds and Scott has lost 25 pounds. I am so very proud of him. :)

Well, I need to get to bed, I have to get up and get to school tomorrow morning. I got a late call tonight. Actually, I was hoping to get to stay home and start working on filling these eggs and getting the room back into order.

Have a great day everyone! :) It was a beautiful day here. So glad that the snow melted. :) We're praying for no more until next winter.

Hugs and blessings,

Well, the weekend is over already!

2009-03-29T20:31:00.000-07:00

I can't believe that here I am again, sitting down at the computer, even later than last night and the day is over, along with the weekend. Yep, today was another busy day. I stayed at church for both services because the children and youth were conducting the worship services. All went well and we had a great time too. :) After leaving church at noon, I went and got lunch with Scott, ran some errands, grocery shopped and then come home and put all of it away. While Scott was working and finishing up putting on the new fuel tank for the truck, I did all of this and then when he came home at 4:30 we left to go to a raffle and did not get home until 10:00 tonight. Whew~what a day.

The good news is, I am still laughing and had some really great times today, especially with Scott. I don't know how it is possible, but I totally understand when people say that they fall deeper in love with their husband/wife each day. It just doesn't seem possible, but it is for me. What an amazing feeling.

The weather is crappy to say the least. When we came out of the raffle and traveled home, it was snowing so hard that things were actually getting a little covered. All I can say is UGH!!! Hopefully this will be the very last until winter comes later this year. Since spring is here I am ready for those days to be here to stay and not go from almost 50 degrees yesterday to 30 something today with snow.

Well, I hate to admit this, but I had to take off work tomorrow because I got a ticket for not wearing my seat belt. This really was the first time for me to not be wearing it when I drive. I simply got in the van and was driving the few short miles down the to main farm where Scott's parents live and where he was without my seat belt on. I was headed there in order to help him clean out the silo out and move the semi when it needed to be moved while the trailer was being filled with grain, as well as run the backhoe. With my mind on this, I was not thinking straight and simply did not put it on, and guess what, I got caught. So, tomorrow morning I have a ticket to go pay. Darn it! Oh well, let me tell you, my mind has remembered since. (lol)

Hugs and blessings my dear friends,

Saturday has been a flash!

2009-03-28T18:26:00.000-07:00

I can't believe it, I am sitting down at the computer and it is already 9:30pm. Today has gone by so fast. Well, I guess that is to be expected since it is the weekend. They always seem to go by so quickly.

Well, today has been pretty busy. This morning and afternoon I spent making 105 magnets for the children to hand out at church tomorrow for youth Sunday. Each month that there has 5 weeks in it, the fifth week has been designated to be youth Sunday. The children and teens lead the service. They really love doing this and it is great to see their excitement. :)

Tonight I spent with Scott helping our friends who are building their new barn and house. It was so good to spend time with them again tonight. We have such a fun when we are together. Laughter is something that I have missed for a few weeks and am glad to be able to genuinely share in moments of it again.

Well, I am off to bed to hopefully get a good nights rest. I have to admit, I am just as excited about tomorrow as the kids are. :) We have an 8:30 (contemporary service) and an 11:00 (traditional service) to do tomorrow.

I would like to personally thank Betty Rubble for the kick in the butt that I needed to get back to blogging. It has been great talking with all of you again.

Hugs and blessings,

Yippee Friday!!!

2009-03-27T13:00:00.000-07:00

Hey gals!

I can not tell you how glad that I am that it is finally Friday! A little more time to do what needs to be done and the at least for today and a little bit tomorrow we are going to have decent temps.

Today I was in a 6th grade classroom that I actually have been in once before. Much to my surprise the students came in happy to see me and greeting me with "hey Mrs. Reilly!" Not to mention the small ego boost that I got when they said, "Mrs. Reilly you are our favoritest sub!" This has to be my favorite group of 6th graders, and yes, I thought this after I had been in the room with them after just one time.

Well, I think that God is directing me to start a preschool at our church. This idea has surfaced again. I wasn't sure if it was something that was going to be a go or not? Many members at the church have heard and are more aware of what my vision is and are excited about it. Today I actually got in contact with someone who talked with me about what steps needed to be taken to get the process going. So, I am just trying to let God do his work right now.

Not much else going on around here. Just have to admit that I am so excited that I don't have lunches to pack tonight. I know, it sounds so crazy. But that's me!

Hugs and blessings y'all,

A good kick in the butt!!!

2009-03-26T13:16:00.000-07:00

Hi everyone!

Yes, I give you all permission to give me a good kick in the butt! That is exactly what I need for letting my blog go and neglecting it for so long. It is really embarassing and I know some of you may have totally given up on me and I wouldn't blame you one bit.

Well, enough about kicking myself in the butt, and on to some updates. Let's see, in my last post, I had written about AF not showing up and the naseau and some other stuff. All I have to say is that if you want her to show up, then just take a pregnancy test! I took one in the morning and that evening she was in town for her monthly stay. So, nope, no pregnancy. However, it may sound really crazy, but I was glad to see her this month.

As time goes on, I am getting better at the whole diabetes thing. Things seem to be much better and in many ways, more controlled in the last few weeks. I am prayerfully making the goal to be able to get so controlled that I will not have to take meds for it any more.

The one thing that I am really excited about is losing between 15 to 20 pounds! It feels really good. Some days are hard as heck, but each step and each choice that I make is one step closer to my goal. :)

Emotions, well, um, imagine the worst. My SIL had a baby boy on the 14th of this month and it has been all down hill up until Tuesday of this week. Melt down after melt down came and the roller coaster seem to be doing upside downs everytime I turned around. Do I love my SIL and am I happy for her, yes, does it make it any easier for me? H*LL NO! To put it briefly, I have been mad and angry at God because of all of the things that are happening in my life and the struggles that Scott and I are facing in order to TTC. Oh have I cried my eyes out over her. Yep, I totally have been in denial and actually was in the mind set that this baby was not really here and that they had been kidding all along. But, nope, he is here and very real. Last, but certainly not least, scared to death. I just don't want to have to face not having a child, which right now is my worst fear and nightmere.

God has been very distant with me, which has only added to my frustration. For so long, I have asked him to give me affirmation that things are going to be okay and that it will all work out. On Tuesday, I got up and was trying to decide whether or not to take an ovulation test. Last week I took one and it only showed the 1 line. The more I thought about it, I was sure that my results were going to be the same as last week. So, I did take the test and waited on it, not paying any attention to it at all because I knew that it was going to be my status quo. After a little while, I looked at it and could not believe what I was looking at...2LINES, not only two lines like I have gotten before, but 2 LINES THAT WERE THAT SAME COLOR!!!!!!! I am ovulating! I can't believe it, or at least, it really looks like it from the test. Well, I couldn't hardly stand it, so I called Scott and told him the good news and also informed him that we would be working out at home that night. :) I'll leave it there. :) All I can say is that I like working out at home together! (LOL) Thanks be to God, I believe I got my affirmation. What do you think?

This has been so good to get back to blogging again. I will look forward to writing more tomorrow. :)

Hugs and blessings to all,
Stacey

Happenings at the Reilly house...

2009-03-05T20:24:00.000-08:00

Hi everyone! Today has been the first day of many that I have actually gotten the chance to sit down and catch up on all of your blogs. Thank you so much for hanging in there with me. Things have been so busy around here that we have been going every night until late and all I get done is what I have to and then simply go to bed and crash. It has been my prayer to get back onto my blogging schedule so please pray for me too. Blogging with all of you wonderful ladies is so important to me and I feel like I have let you down. Balance seems to be the word right now that I need to get a good handle on. Being able to get everything done during the day that I want is really hard and so I am praying to God that He helps me find the balance that I need. :) Well, we have been busy with a funeral viewing of a neighbor and family friend, church meetings, plays that my husband's cousin was in, Bible study and so much more.

Scott and I had a wonderful conversation on Sunday afternoon. We talked about my teaching and finding a full time job and what other possibilities there were out there. I told him that I would be happy just to do in home daycare since we have about 4 schools right around us closing. If I don't do that, I plan to get started on the Preschool at church. So, I once again am going to God in prayer, because I have actually had direction from all three areas (sticking it out and finding full time work, watching a fellow teacher's children and getting started on the Preschool stuff at church).

Today was Scott's birthday. We went out for supper and then went to see his cousin star in their high school play. They did "Once Upon A Mattress". It was really good, but we did not get home until 10:45 tonight!

Well ladies, I have not had AF this month yet. She had always came around 34 - 35 days and last month she came early at 27 days. Since then, Feb. 1, I have not seen her. All I can say is that I have lost about 10 - 12 pounds and am on a higher dose of metformin and am not understanding why she has not shown up yet? Maybe soon? :)

Since it is getting late, I am going to get myself to bed so that I can crash again. My parents are coming up tomorrow and we are going to Detroit, Michigan for a car show on Saturday. So, I am hoping that I don't get any calls for schools tomorrow. I have felt really lousy these last few days with nausea and fatigue. Still fighting to get the diabetes thing under my hat. Would certainly appreciate your continued prayers. :)

Hugs and blessings,

MIA and am so sorry!!!

2009-02-25T19:47:00.000-08:00

Hi everyone! Thank you so much for the concern for me. Yes, everything is alright and I feel so embarrassed for not posting sooner. These past two weeks have been pretty busy and blogging has been on the bottom of my list. Please forgive me, I have truly missed it and am looking forward to getting back to my routine again. It totally makes me speechless to know that I have all of you ladies so worried about me. I care for all of you so much and want you to know that it is such a humbling feeling to have the thoughtfulness you have sent me.

These last two weeks have been filled with so many things...

1. Preparing for my husband's grandmother's 90th birthday part this past Sunday, which I had lots to do for that to get ready

2. I know this is gonna be no excuse, but I have been working more and coming home trying to get things done, like fix supper and then go to the rec center and work out for an hour and a half and also come home to another list of things to do like make lunches has put my blogging on hold

3. Trying to get to bed at a reasonable time so that I can get enough rest for the next day and work, something that I have needed to get back into because I had fallen way off course and was staying up way too late

4. I am also trying to get the hang of this diabetic cooking and all of the ins and outs of what I can have and what I can't as well as what carbs to count, all I can say is UGH!

5. Well, I also have to admit that my emotions have been a little unbalanced as well and sometimes just didn't allow me the interest in even getting on the computer, which I have also not even checked my e-mail for so long it is really ridiculous - so if you sent me an e-mail, I am just getting it and will promise to send a response back to you

Since my last post, I have gone to see my new GYN and I absolutely adore her in so many ways. She was so willing to sit in the exam room with Scott and I and talk and answer any questions that we had. In fact she asked us about 5 to 7 times if we had any additional questions. We were actually in the room for 2 hours, which yes, included my yearly PAP. I had a lot of concerns eased by talking to her and set up a kind of game plan with her to get started. First of all, I have to lose some weight because she said that I would be very sick and run the risk of having gestational diabetes as well as other things including needing C-section. With the C-section I would have to make sure that with my diabetes that extra care would have to be taken with the incision and the healing time would take a lot longer than normal. So, overall, I need to lose this weight so that when I do get pregnant I will not be so sick during those 9 beautiful months. After I lose some weight, like going from 2xx to 190's, then we will start the clomid cycle and do the FSH shots. So, that is were we are at. And yes, for all of you ladies that are in your thirties out there, she told me that I was approaching the age where my risks for birth defects like downs syndrome would increase. UGH! I am praying that by our wedding anniversary on Aug. 2 that I can begin, if not before then, the clomid cycles. Just got some work cut out for me to get the weight off that needs to be. Being 5'4" is not too tall at all and Dr. D. told me that I should way 145! Maybe someday, but for now she said when we see the 1 as the first number then we can get started on the clomid.

Once again, thanks for all of your concern. Please accept my apologies. I will make a great effort to catch up on all of your blogs as soon as I can. Thank you for hanging in there with me, I was afraid that you might have all left me and decided to quit following. My prayers are that I will be able to set time aside each night and blog without burning the midnight oil to do so. Thank you so much for all of your prayers, they are all greatly appreciated and are working. Finally, I feel like God is working in my life and I can feel his presence again. It is so scary when you don't feel like he is there with you and you are all alone.

Have a wonderful day everyone! May the Lord be with you during the time of Lent. So excited that March is coming soon and that means spring too!!!

Love and hugs and blessings,
Stacey

Holding On With All I've Got...

2009-02-16T19:31:00.000-08:00

My appointment with the diabetic nurse went well today. I learned some things that I did not know and am looking forward to the one-on-one appointment with the dietitian this coming Monday. To be honest I really am scared to death of food right now and don't have much of an appetite which is not good because the nurse told me that I needed to eat every 3 to 4 hours.

Working out tonight was good, but I really struggled with keeping my normal pace up on the treadmill. Somehow, someway, when I thought that I couldn't go on I did and was able to put in my 30 minutes. The weight training was the same way, my arm strength is so bad and my legs were sore so they even hurt when they normally don't.

You know it is interesting that stress can raise your blood sugar levels, because I am certainly feeling emotionally stressed tonight. It seems to have stemmed from the prayer yesterday, which has gotten me to really thinking that maybe she is right. Was this the affirmation from God that I had asked for? Right now I can't even bear the thought of seeing my SIL with their new baby. Scott told me that my MIL went shopping today for her and that just hurts so bad. I'm mad because this is happening to me and I am angry, anGRY, ANGRY that I can't seem to deal with it!!! About a week ago, I prayed for God to take this prayer and answer it and at this point I still feel like that prayer is here and He has not gone ahead and embraced it for me. At this point I just want to give up on the whole adventure and just realize that what we are now is it, nothing more, nothing less. For so long I am tired of seeing people get what I have desired and prayed so hard for. I don't feel like God is here with me and that He is leaving me in the dust because He has better things to do. The trials of a Christian are great and anyone who says that it is easy being a follower of God is totally wrong. All I have asked God for is affirmation that my prayer will be a yes or no, and of course has it happened, heck no! My heart still yearns to feel the conception, carry a miracle for nine months, give birth to a healthy baby, be able to smell the powder and formula on me, hold and rock this little miracle and be the best mother that I can and glorify God everyday. What is wrong with that and what is wrong with me? Maybe I am just plain stupid about how all of this works but it just breaks my heart into millions of pieces. I feel like all I've got is a thread left that I am holding onto and it is about to break. I just don't feel like I can go on any longer like this. With both of us having IF issues, it makes me worried and upset and tearful. Have you ever wanted something so bad that you could actually feel like you could make it come true? My heart could just jump right out of my body right now because that is how much I want this to happen for us. Outside of the wonderful women that I have here to blog with I don't have much of anyone to talk to face to face and I so need that right now. I want to be able to vent and cry and be hugged and prayed with. Oh how that would be such a blessing. Well, I guess I can look forward to meeting with my new GYN on next Monday as well. Have both appointments on the same day as to not continue to miss days subbing and help out with the income as much as I can.

I know that many prayers are said for Scott and I everyday and they are so appreciated in many ways. At this point I don't know what else to do but merely give up.

Hugs and blessings,
Stacey

A Busy Weekend...

2009-02-15T21:08:00.001-08:00

This past weekend has been pretty busy for us. I spent all day Saturday in the semi with Scott hauling grain back and forth to fulfill a contract that we had. Then, on Saturday night, my wonderful husband took me out to dinner and as you can imagine the wait was forever at any place we were going to go, so we ended up and Max and Erma's. We got home late and both decided to just crash. That felt really good to just change clothes and hit the sack.

Today we got up and headed out for church. After church we drove to Cleveland to the Home and Garden Show. Scott's aunt had won the tickets on a our local country radio station and was not going to be able to use them so we took them and went. It was really neat. There was an area that had a beautiful garden display. I could have stood there for hours and just looked and gotten ideas. After spending much of the day there, 5 hours or so looking around, we headed back home and stopped at a Red Robin. Let me tell you, eating out twice in one weekend usually never happens. This was quite a treat let me tell you. But a trial as well, because since being diagnosed with diabetes, I have not gone out to eat and was really scared to make the right choices. I guess this is something that I will eventually learn.

I need to vent a little. Today, as I was getting ready for church, I felt that God was telling me to write down a prayer request for all of His children who are suffering from infertility issues and have felt called to be parents. Actually, this is a prayer that has been on my mind for a while and something that I have wanted to do. I felt that God was saying this was an opportunity to educate people, or at least make others in the church aware of it. So, I wrote my prayer request down and sent it up to the pulpit to be read. Since our pastor was on a Chrysalis flight for boys, he was not there so one of our women lay leaders gave the message today. As she read the prayers, mine was one of the first and after reading it said that she too knows all to well what it is like to go through infertility issues, which made me surprised and somewhat eased to know that I have another person to communicate face to face with about my issues. Let me just say that I absolutely love P in the most christian manner. As she was praying for the request, I could feel myself yearning for what she would pray about mine. With it being last, I was relieved when she got to it because I almost thought she forgot about it. Well, she didn't and what she said not only shocked me but upset me as well. Her prayer not only hurt my feelings, but felt like it was a dagger to my heart which left a huge scar. In a shortened version she prayed for those couples suffering infertility issues and she also said that if it is not meant to be for them then it is not meant to be. I know this may sound so trivial, but at the time it really crushed me. My hope was she was going to pray for us so that God may place his healing and loving touch on us and open up our womb's. Just guess I was wishing for a positive prayer and not a negative one. All the while we were there, her husband, daughter and 3 grandchildren were there too. The littlest one being little enough to still make noises and such while she was talking and giving the message for today. If that wasn't enough, the very next song we sang was about God knowing us by name and it had a little baby pictured throughout the whole video. I have been doing so well, but today felt like a huge step backwards for me. I don't want to hear that it may not happen for me and I don't want to have to be the one that smiles all of the time and be happy when others are becoming pregnant or I get to see small children and happy families. My heart just yearns, no God no, please don't let that be me, the one who has to live life without having a child of our own. Let me have a miracle so that I can show the world your love and how miraculous your miracles are. I want to be the real life witness to your healing touch and loving hands to opening up my womb to become pregnant and give birth to a child of our own.

Well, thank you for letting me vent. It's hard to think that you are taking steps backwards when you had been moving forwards. Thanks for all of you prayers.

Tomorrow is my day to meet with the nurse at the hospital to show me how to properly use my glucose monitor. One of many trips is only beginning.

I hope all of you had a beautiful Valentine's Day. It has been good to spend time with my husband.

Hugs and blessings everyone,
Stacey

The Latest Happenings...

2009-02-13T13:25:00.000-08:00

My follow-up doctor's appointment went well yesterday. Dr. K. told me that he did not find anything abnormal and the biopsies that he performed all came back normal as well. Which he said was really good and what he wanted to hear. His suspicions were that I had Celiacs Disease. Thankfully that is not the case. Since I am still having some of the symptoms, he gave me some medication to try and told me that I am to come back to him in 4 weeks. As you may remember, during my procedures I did wake up during both and was alert enough to have gagged a few times when they did the EDG (tube down throat) and had pain during the colonoscopy. Dr. K. is so funny because he asked me if he had put me out enough. And I said, well...I woke up a few times. He also asked me if I had terrible pain, and I said again, well...I did have pain but not unbearable. He said good. :) OH! I almost forgot, I got to see the pictures of the EDG and colonoscopy from the inside. I'll admit it, my insides are kinda gross. (lol)

The wind finally stopped yesterday. Thankfully the power stayed on and we did not suffer much damage. My wreath blew off of the garage and landed in the north side of our fields and one of my buckets outside sailed to the south side of our fields. The sad part of the whole thing is my beautiful barn star is now an accordion. Most likely I will not be able to save it. So, I guess I will just have to buy a new one. :(

My diabetic classes start on Monday. The time that I am going to spend learning about this is so much more than anyone else that I have known. I meet Monday with the nurse to go over the use of my machine (glucose meter), which I have already figured out. Then I have to meet with a dietitian. After that I will have to go back for a 6 hour cooking class. To top all of that off I will have to go back at least 3 times for follow up visits! I am so not happy about all of this. My glucose levels have been just fine these past few days. Dr. A., my family doctor, told me she only wanted me to check in the morning to see what my fasting glucose levels are. So far, they have been right where she wants them to be, less than 115. My levels have been, 134, 96, 106, and today 104. So frustrating I tell you!

I am looking forward to getting to see the new GYN on Feb. 23. Hopefully I can get some more answers and be able to get the process to conceiving our first child under wraps, or at least started in the best direction. Maybe then I will be referred to a specialist who can better help me out. :) I truly believe that I am not ovulating. At any rate, Scott still has to lose weight as do I, but it would just be nice to know that my reproductive parts are in good working order so when he does lose the weight a pregnancy can happen.

TGIF! It feels so good, especially knowing that Monday is a holiday. :) Yeah!

Love and hugs,
Stacey

There's no place like home, there's no place like home Toto...

2009-02-11T22:42:00.001-08:00

Well, all I have to say is I feel like I am in the movie Wizard of Oz right now because the wind is blowing so hard that things inside the house are falling off of my walls! Talk about torture. With all of the warm temps I guess we have to have something to bring back the cold winter winds. (ugh) Hopefully the electric will stay on. Keeping my fingers crossed throughout tonight.

Tomorrow is my follow-up appointment to see the gastronenterologist Dr. K. Unfortunately some of the symptoms that I have been having came back today. I was hoping that with the lifestyle change that things would be better, but the diarrhea seems to still be there. Not to mention the major headache that I have had for the last 24 hours! I wasn't feeling well tonight, so Scott and I did not go to the rec center and I feel so guilty about that. Shame on me!

In other news, one of my great bloggie friends, Betty Rubble, at I Caught The Bug, Cricut That Is makes some really gorgeous tiles. I encourage you to go over and check out her blog page, you most certainly will not be disappointed. She is very talented. :) Yep, I have already placed my order for mine and one for my cousin who will be getting married this July. While you are over there, she also has another great blog called I Married Barney, Now What? Betty is a wonderful sweetheart and a great joy to be friends with. I enjoy all of the support that she gives me and is so helpful with all of the information and knowledge about PCOS that she has. What a blessing she has been for me during my trials. She too is TTC and hopeful that she and her husband will have the miracle that their hearts have been longing for. I know that both she and her husband are going to be some of the best parents! :) We love you Betty and are rooting for you. :)

Hope everyone has a great day and many wonderful things happen for you. :) May God bless each and everyone in many ways this day and the days to come.

Hugs and blessings,
Stacey

The sweet things in life...

2009-02-10T19:52:00.000-08:00

As I was trying to decide what to post today, I thought about Valentine's Day and all of the sweet things in my life. So, here is a small list of just a few (14) of the sweet things in my life...

1. My husband's gentle kisses and blue eyes that make me melt!

2. The excitement of my 4-legged fur baby Gizmo when I come home to her

3. The sound of tractors starting and country music playing

4. Laughing with my husband

5. Having the chance to blog and meet all of you

6. Being totally silly with my sister

7. Seeing the little miracles of my family grow and loving them so much - Alex, Natalie, Mazie, Cameron, Katie and Mandy

8. Exercising with my husband

9. Being a farmer's wife and living on our beautiful farm

10. The love and support my husband's family has extended to me

11. Hearing the stories Scott's grandma tells me about the home that we live in now of when she was a child 90 years ago!

12. Picking up my cell phone when it rings to have my parents, sister, cousins and friends call or send a text message to me

13. Simply seeing the sunshine, especially through the windows :)

14. The love God has for me and the grace that He gives to me to willingly

Hope you enjoyed my list. What are some of the sweet things in your life? I know, there are just so many! :) Feel free to share if you wish.

Hugs and blessings,
Stacey

Oh no, she said the "D" word!

2009-02-09T19:57:00.000-08:00

Well my friends, it is official, Dr. A. told me that I am a diabetic. One of my worst fears comes true. A new monitor, larger dose of metformin and diabetic class is what I am looking at these days. Kinda feels like a death sentence, which is what I told her. But, Dr. A. in her positive attitude told me that in this day and time there is a lot of technology to help people who suffer from this condition. It is just knowing about it and dealing with it she said.

So, I spent today shopping. When I get depressed, I shop and spend money. From the time I left the doctor's office until I got home at 5, I spent it out and about. Made for a long day, but helped ease the stress I was feeling. So, when I got home I fixed supper and Scott and I went to the rec center and decided to get in the pool and hot tub instead of on the treadmill and do weights tonight. That felt really good. :)

I just can't believe it. Another hurdle and it feels like they just keep coming and coming and coming. You know, the energizer bunny syndrome. Just fearful I guess, but none the less a real lifelong hurdle. What a bummer.

Tonight my heart is hurting for one of my blog friends. While she and her husband were camping this weekend, her husband tried several times to call his father who lives here in Ohio. They live in Florida. When he could get no answer, he called his sister and she went to the house to find their dad dead on the floor. I am still crying for them. Please keep them in your prayers, Becky and G could certainly use them. She is a fellow PCOS suffer who is currently pregnant with their first miracle. She loves new followers and is one of the sweetest women I have the pleasure of following. I encourage you to go and visit Becky's blog and let her know that she and her husband and husband's family are being prayed for. What a shock to lose your FIL that way.

Hugs and blessings,
Stacey

Looking ahead at the week

2009-02-08T20:54:00.000-08:00

After church and Sunday school this morning I went to Goodwill and then to the grocery store. When I got home this afternoon and put all of the groceries away, Scott came home from working on the combine and we went to work out at the rec center. We finished the evening with dinner out and rented 2 movies.

Looking at my week ahead, I have 2 doctor's appointments to go to. My family doctor, Dr. A., is tomorrow when I talk about the "sugar" level. On Thursday I have my follow up appointment with Dr. K., the gastroenterologist and find out more about the colonoscopy and EDG that I done last week.

Please remember me in your prayers. Tonight I had a little bit of an emotional break down and have been shedding some tears. My heart is hurting. Which is upsetting because I have had such a good weekend.

Well, I will update you more tomorrow when I get back from the doctor. Hopefully things won't be to bad for me to have to hear. Happy Monday!

Hugs and blessings,
Stacey

Ohio State Buckeye Hockey ~ How Coooooool!!!

2009-02-07T08:06:00.000-08:00

I missed posting last night because Scott and I got home from work and had to head straight out the door again. We were driving to Columbus to go and watch the awesome Buckeyes play hockey, many thanks to the company he works for. :) This particular company gets tickets to several different sports and then allows the employees to choose which ones they would like to attend, from which they have a drawing. It is so nice. Last year we got to see the Buckeyes play hockey as well and also see the Cleveland Indians play baseball. With the tickets to the games, we get "private/suite" parking and also get to sit in the suites and have lots and lots and lots of food and desserts!!! It is a totally awesome time and with the great seats we get and the delicious food, who could ask for a better FREE DATE NIGHT!!! :)

Here are some pictures that I took at the game last night. The Buckeyes were playing Notre Dame and lost in over time and sudden death 4 to 5. It was an exciting end. They played their little hearts out and did a great job! All I have to say is O-H! I-O! (for all of you Buckeye fans out there) :)

I promise to catch up on all of your blogs sometime today. I missed doing that last night, but as you can see Scott and I had a great chance to just get away for a little while. :)

Hugs and blessings,
Stacey

Okay, another hurdle...I can deal with this too!

2009-02-05T20:55:00.000-08:00

My family doctor, Dr. A. had taken a blood sample when I was last there to see her early in January and before Scott and I's new lifestyle change. On Tuesday I got a call from her nurse Jennifer who told me that Dr. A. wanted to see me as soon as possible. You'll have to forgive me, but I don't remember the actual name to the blood count that she said. What she told me was that my A1 (blood/sugar/glucose) number was at a 6.5. We scheduled an appointment on this coming Monday to talk about it. I called Jennifer back and asked her what the normal range was and she said anything less than 6. So, with this, I am guessing that she is considering me to be a pre-diabetic. Another one of my worst fears. Unfortunately it runs heavily in my family and I so wanted to avoid it. But, I guess this will just be another one of those hurdles that I must jump through along the way. PCOS, isn't it just great. NOT! I will let you know what Dr. A. says on Monday after I see her. Hopefully with the changes that Scott and I have made since she took the sample, things have gotten better.

Hugs and blessings,
Stacey

Link to my new site...

2009-02-05T16:43:00.001-08:00

Sorry, I forgot to put a link to my new site in my last post. Farm Wife Primitives Thanks to those of you who have become a follower. I am so excited about this new blog of mine!!!!!!!

Hugs and blessings,
Stacey

MY NEW BLOG!

2009-02-05T10:31:00.001-08:00

I just wanted to let everyone know that I created a new blog today. This new blog is all about my primitives and love of decorating and crafting with them. If you like country, primitives and/or antiques then I invite you to stop by my new blog often. I am so excited about getting this up and going today because it has been one of my goals for 2009. Much like this blog, as I learn new things, I will be changing and updating it often. Hope you all like it and will tell others. :)

Thanks to Emily at the blog necessities, she is helping me with adding some special things to it. :) Thanks so much Emily! Stop by her blog too, she is very sweet and not to mention very talented and creative. :)

If you love primitives too, then you will absolutely love Lisa's site at Primitives from Above. She has one of the best. I just can't get enough of all of her great primitive pictures and decorating and crafting ideas. Her blog is totally awesome!!!!!!! :) Go and check it out, she is so inspiring!!!!!!!!

Hugs and blessings,
Stacey

All done and VERY thankful!

2009-02-04T11:10:00.000-08:00

Sorry that I did not get this posted yesterday, but as you can imagine I was not myself very much. Actually I am just now getting around to feeling like I can actually think and function normal again.

The whole experience yesterday was a very positive one. It ran very smooth and I had many nurses who were absolutely wonderful. Shortly after the doctor gave me the anesthesia, I began to feel a little sleepy. However, I was not totally asleep and felt the tube go down my throat and make me gag a little, as well as felt pain when he was doing the colonoscopy. The pain came from him shooting air in my colon so he could move around corners and such. It wasn't until they finished that I finally fell asleep.

Thankfully Dr. K. told Scott and my parents that everything looked fine and all was well. :) That is good news. I am just now waiting on some blood work to come back.

I appreciate all of your thoughts and prayers. They were felt very much yesterday. :) You are all so wonderful and awesome. Well, I think I will sign off and go get in a much needed nap.

Blessings and hugs,
Stacey

Whew ~ No need to postpone...

2009-02-02T08:58:00.000-08:00

I called the doctor's office about AF showing up last night. The nurse was so sweet when I asked about the unexpected arrival of her. She told me that yes I could still have it done and that I would need to tell the nurses tomorrow morning and if necessary wear a tampon. All I have to say is whew! I certainly did not want to have to reschedule this because I want to just get it done and over with. The nurse also told me that they get this question a lot and not to worry because they can still do it. :) Like I said, that is a good thing in my book.

I will keep you posted on the further events of what I am going to call "D ~ DAY!" Kinda fitting for this day isn't it. (lol) Okay, no more jokes, I promise. :)

Hugs and blessings,
Stacey :)

A little unexpected...

2009-02-01T22:02:00.000-08:00

Scott and I met my parents in Columbus for the Power Show. It was good, but I will admit that I was somewhat disappointed because there used to be so much more there to see and look at. There was really no American agriculture companies at the show; most of them were from other foreign countries and brands of equipment and things that I had never even heard of. Definitely no John Deere there, what a bummer.

After we finished walking around the Power Show, my parents and Scott and I went to Quaker Steak and Lube for lunch. They have great chicken wings, especially the honey barbecue ones. Lunch was great and we got the chance to catch up on what was going on with my parents and they were able to do the same with us. Not that we don't talk almost everyday, but it was just nice to get to spend time with them and see their wonderful faces. :)

The day was so short and felt like it flew by, which most of the time it does anyways when you are doing something that you like and are with family, especially your parents, that are not a part of your everyday life in getting to see them.

Once we got back home, I decided that I had better go and get my kit for tomorrow so that I can have it to start drinking the "ex lax" tomorrow night. Well, when I got to the pharmacy they were closed, which surprised me. So, I will have to get it in the morning. Tonight I also decided to do our weekly run for groceries, which took me way longer than I had expected. But, I got it done so that I do not have to tackle that tomorrow. I am required to be on a liquid diet and then at 6 start drinking the "ex lax" mixture.

My title and what it means? Well, after I had gotten my pajamas on and was using the potty, I discovered that AF was here!!! What in the heck is she doing here now? It has only been 28 days since the start of my last one and I am usually always on a 34 to 35 or 36 day cycle. Talk about being frustrated. UGH!!! This is just great with what I am going to have done on Tuesday. No wonder I felt a little different than normal today. The only reason that I can think of as to why she is coming now is because of my tiny weight loss and starting to exercise on a regular basis and having a different eating style. Or, I guess, it could be the PCOS because Lord knows that it has a mind of its own, just like gold old AF. Probably I will call the doctor's office tomorrow and see what they think. I think they will still be able to do it. But, who knows? Oh well, no wonder I was not able to get a clear answer on my OPK.

Since it is so late, I apologize for any mistakes that I am making because my eyes are only half open. So, with that being said, I am going to sign off and hit the sack. My pillows are so calling my name. :)

Hugs and blessings,
Stacey

A full freezer!

2009-01-31T20:56:00.000-08:00

Today Scott and I spent the entire day helping K and P finish up butchering and vacuum sealing the pork from the hogs and sow. We got started at 8am and finally returned home at 10pm. It made for a long day, but we are grateful to be able to replenish our supply of pork in the freezer for the next year! :) I must tell you that if you do not have a vacuum sealer, you are missing out on one of life's finer technologies. Vacuum sealers are so amazing and keeps meat and other items as fresh as the day they were sealed! It is well worth the investment, at least I think so.

On a side note, Scott and I are going to meet my parents in Columbus tomorrow morning in order to go see the power show. I am very excited about getting to see my mom and dad since the last time I saw them was over Christmas! It actually was Scott's idea to get them tickets and meet them so that we could spend some time with them. He is so wonderful and thoughtful!

Here is a picture of what our freezer looks like. As you can see, the items that have been wrapped in the white butcher paper are from the 1/2 a beef we bought. The other things in the see through vacuum sealed packages are all of our pork.

Hope everyone has a great Sunday and enjoys all of the Super Bowl mania. I don't watch professional football, so I really don't have a favorite team. Now, if it were the Ohio State Buckeyes playing though, then that would be a different story. :)

Hugs and blessings,

Stacey

Bits and Pieces Friday

2009-01-30T21:34:00.000-08:00

Today has just been another normal day here at the Reilly house. I did not get the chance to sub today, so I did my usual farm wife chores and ran into town to pay some bills. Tonight, Scott and I went over to K. and P.'s house and helped to butcher some hogs. They are butchering a total of 4 hogs and 1 sow. We butchered 2 hogs tonight and vacuum packed the meat. Tomorrow we will be finishing the rest up. Our freezer is now packed full of great stuff, including the pork chops, ribs, roasts and ham steaks that we brought home tonight. The sausage will be ground tomorrow and our brats will be made as well. It is so great to have farm fresh meats, there really is nothing like it. This weekend was a great time to do it, because the weather is going to be nice and cold. In order to butcher, the temps have to be really cold. We look forward to buying a half of a hog every year and then getting the butchering done free, because we do it ourselves. It can take a small chunk of money to buy the animal, but it is very cost effective in the long run.

:) A little farm lesson for you...
~ Swine is the type/group name of animals that pigs are
~ Baby pig = piglet
~ Boar = male pig
~ Gilt = female pig who has NOT had her first litter of piglets
~ Sow = female pig who HAS had piglets

~ Cattle is the type/group name of animals that cows are
~ Baby cattle = calf
~ Bull = male cow that is not castrated
~ Steer = male cow that is castrated
~ Heifer = female cattle that has NOT has her first calf
~ Cow = female cattle that HAS had a calf

Farm animal types and names can be tough to remember, so hopefully this will help. :) I know some of you were asking about the differences between them.

Well, since my post is so short and the weather outside is so bitterly cold, I thought that now would be a good time to share a few pictures of the bed and breakfast that Scott and I stayed in on our honeymoon back in August. Now that there is all of this snow on the ground, I think of this beautiful home that has a totally wonderful cabin feel to it. You know, fireplaces, bearskin rugs and lots of lodge decor. It would make a perfect place to go in the winter to just get away and have some much needed relaxation time. :) I really hope you like the pictures and get a sense of what this really wonderful little place in the hills of Pennsylvania is like!

Hugs and blessings,
Stacey

The snow of northern Ohio...

2009-01-29T21:07:00.000-08:00

Well, I was able to get outside today and take some pictures of the piles around our house. It was so cold because the wind was blowing like crazy. All I can say is brrrrrrr. Thank goodness for a warm house. :)

Today's update... Nothing much happened, except for me getting to go back to school and sub again. The roads were not terrible, but they were not good either. Snow was drifting back on them and made it a challenge to navigate your way down, especially if there was a car coming toward you. After supper tonight, Scott and I went to K-Mart and got a food saver (vacuum sealer) for us. Tomorrow and Saturday we will be helping to butcher 4 hogs and 1 sow. With the 1/2 of hog that we are buying and helping to butcher, we should be able to pack our freezer just about to the max. I love being able to just go to the freezer and get pretty much pick any kind of meat out that I may want. It is wonderful!!!!!!! We have already purchased 1/2 of a beef earlier this month, which was over 200 pounds of meat.

Here are the pictures, hopefully you can tell how high the drifts are. I am not always the best photographer around, but I do try. :) ENJOY!!!

Hugs and blessings,
Stacey

SNOW FOR SALE!!!

2009-01-28T20:49:00.000-08:00

Well, I am sure that many of you would just love for me to box up some of our snow here and send it to you really cheap. I would even be willing to send it in small bags if you wish. And, for a limited time I will be shipping it to you free!!! Yes, you read it right, FREE shipping!!! (lol) Okay, just kidding, but really, we have got so much snow here just sitting around that I could sell it by the bags and boxes full. With all of this snow, I was given another day off from school. But, am sure that it will be back to work tomorrow.

As I am sure that you have noticed, I changed the look of my blog. It is getting there. I just haven't found the look that I am totally happy with. There are some things I like about this template and some things I don't. Because of my limited experience and knowledge with blogging and changing the backgrounds and such, it will probably stay like this for a while until I learn some new tricks.

At bed time last night, I felt a knot in my tummy. Why? Well, I will confess, I am a little nervous about having the upper GI and colonoscopy done on Tuesday. What is bothering me the most is the fact that I am going to have to swallow a scope down my throat so that it can reach my tummy. I have never been fond of this idea, even before I knew I was going to have to have this done. For me it all started when I watched my grandfather, who suffered from emphysema and COPD, be tubed a lot to help him breathe. The nurse told me that I would not be totally out for the procedures because I would be given anesthesia that would make me not remember anything. She said it was like having amnesia. Hopefully she is right.

Since Scott's meeting at church was cancelled and he was able to get home a little sooner since the roads were so terrible, we ate supper and then headed over to the rec center to workout. It was a nice surprise, because we didn't think that we were going to get to do that tonight. :) Let me just say that I am so proud of Scott. He has made this commitment and is not wavering from it at all. The extra energy has been really nice is so many ways. ;) I am enjoying it a lot!!!

It is my goal tomorrow to get some pictures of our snow mounds and post them. Maybe that will help some of you change your mind and want to purchase some of Ohio's most precious snow!!! (lol) Here is to everyone having a great day and having at least one thing positive happen for them. :)

Hugs and blessings
Stacey

1st Doctor Appointment Update...

2009-01-27T20:16:00.000-08:00

Today at 12:30 I went to see Dr. K., the gastroenterologist. After talking with him about my symptoms, he was agreeing with my family doctor, Dr. A. that I probably have irritable bowel syndrome. So, Dr. K. also told me that we would have to rule irritable bowel syndrome in by ruling out everything else. With this being decided, he scheduled me for a colonoscopy and upper GI on next Tuesday morning. Hopefully he does not find any abnormalities and that some simple medication can take care of the nausea and diarrhea that I have been having a lot of. Thankfully this is being done so soon, because I have my appointment with Dr. D., the new GYN, on Feb. 23. I am sure that she will be asking me to do some more tests as well. It feels really good to be getting some answers.

On a second note, it is snowing here again. We are supposed to get 8 inches. So, I am not sure that I will have school tomorrow? The schools around here are very close if not already over their limit of 5 snow days per year. I guess they will be making it up come summer. However, I would rather drive then than in this icky winter/snowy weather.

"Diet" update ~ Well, I am so happy to report that so far things are going well and that Scott has lost about 10 pounds this week. Yes, I have lost a couple myself. We are enjoying going to the rec center and working out together. It is so nice to have a partner to go with. Working out has certainly been a blessing for the both of us, more energy and much better emotions. :)

Your prayers are greatly appreciated. They are working and I am feeling much better these days.

Hugs and blessings,
Stacey

I've been tagged!!!!!!!

2009-01-26T21:23:00.000-08:00

I was tagged by not only one of my followers, but a very special member of my family, Anna. She is such a sweet heart and is so talented in many ways, from crafting to scrapbooking and sewing to cooking and the list goes on and on. If you like scrapbooking, then you will love her blog. She has just recently gotten started and has a really cute page. I am so blessed to have her as a part of my family. She has been a great source of support and inspiration for me and is one of the strongest women that I know. This tag has come at a perfect time because I have been praying for something else to focus on besides TTC. In this tag, I was supposed to go to where I save my pictures on my computer and find the 5th folder and then post the 5th picture from that folder to my blog, along with telling the story behind it. So, here it goes...

This picture shows the name of the place that Scott and I stayed at on our honey- moon. It is in Pennsylvania and was absolutely beautiful. The funny thing was, we actually passed this rock up on our way in and traveled about another 15 minutes or so out of our way, until I finally convinced Scott to let me ask someone about where this place was. We stopped at a small place that sold tires and when I asked the lady to help me out, she didn't even know where it was! After getting on the internet in the office there, I was able to get a map. With this map, Scott and I realized that we had passed it up. So, we drove back the way we came in and finally found our destination. The funny thing was, we were on the correct state route, we had just simply drove by it. When we got there, it was easy to see just how we passed it up. This rock was not facing the direction that we can in on, but facing the way we came back from. No wonder!!! Bear Mountain Lodge was a bed and breakfast nestled on a hill in the woods. It was beautiful, quiet and peaceful. I was so happy and surprised. Scott planned our honeymoon all by himself. :) Since I did all of the planning for our wedding, I asked him to take over the honeymoon. Well, he did a wonderful job. At the end of our stay here, I really did not want to leave, it flew by so quickly. We are looking forward to going back someday again. I will have to post some of the many pictures that I took while we were there. That will be so much fun. :)

Well, now I guess I get to choose 5 people to tag. Actually, anyone who is reading my blog, consider yourself tagged. This was a lot of fun and brought back some really wonderful memories for me. :) Have fun and I will look forward to seeing your pictures and reading your stories!!!!!

Hugs and blessings,
Stacey

OKAY!! OKAY!!! Is there anything else to talk about besides pregnancy and babies??????

2009-01-25T20:00:00.000-08:00

You may be asking yourself about what in the world is the meaning of my title...after you read about my day, then you will better understand why I chose that one.

Well, if I didn't know any better, I would seriously think that God was talking directly to me today. The sermon at church spoke to me extra hard and has really made me stop and think. First of all the title of it was "It's Too Late!" Talk about a heart stopper. As if I had not already been feeling that way, but the sermon too? Well, no, it was not about being too old to have children or that he was saying to me that it would never happen. Of course, I realized this after the message. Our pastor talked about the importance of making sure that we have turned away from the sinful things that we do/have done and making our heart right with the Lord. For a while now I have been making an extra effort to do things that are right in the Lord's eyes. The affirmation today was that I had to give everything to God, including my hearts desire to conceive a child and give birth to that child. I don't know about you, but it is so hard to give things up sometimes. I guess what I am trying to do is find faith in the fact that if I give it to God, then He will answer my prayer. The scary part for me is the fact that what if I don't get the chance to be the mom that I have so felt a calling for.

The other reason that I say that God has been talking directly to me is the fact that all day today I have heard everyone else talking about pregnancy and babies. It was enough to overwhelm me. When I went to Wal~mart this morning, what should my wondering eyes see, a line of carts filled with babies and some pregnant mommies to be (again). Then as I went to the grocery store, what should I hear, but two ladies talking about the news that one of their relatives is going to have a baby and she did not want to get pregnant so soon. Of course, I saw carts with babies in there too, where I never have really noticed it before. Thinking that I was done with the baby thing for the day, oh no. We gathered at my FIL and MIL's house for my husband's aunt's birthday and what do they get to talking about BABIES, more specifically my sister-in-law's pregnancy and due date. Oh and yes, I sat and listened all about how they were going baby shopping today, what names they had picked out, thoughts on what she was going to have and how she is planning on using cloth diapers. Then to top that conversation off, I got to see the outfit that my FIL and MIL got for the baby. Um~I love my husband's family dearly but, enough is enough and I was nearly ready to tear up, but, thankfully I didn't. Well, thinking that okay, now that that conversation is over I would be finished for the day. Right? WRONG! The evening ended with a conversation on the details of each of the women in my husband's family talking about when they had their children and what memories they remembered. UUUGGGHHH!!!!!!! It drove me nearly out of my mind. Really, what was God trying to say to me as he was speaking? I to this point have not figured it out totally yet. When I do, I will be glad to share my thoughts. Up until now, things have not hit me so hard about pregnancy and babies. Maybe it was the news this week from Scott, I don't know. But I have to admit, I have certainly had my fill of all the talk.

At some point, I hope that it is soon...I will give my deepest desire and calling to conceive a child with Scott and become a mother to God. When I say give it to Him, I mean let Him take it and do with it His will, all the while feeling the satisfaction with what will come to be from His answer. I know this is going to sound crazy, but right now I am just not ready to do that. There is too much that I am scared about and fearful of and I know I shouldn't, but I do. With this whole issue, it all boils down to being so scared that it will never happen that I can not really focus or concentrate, consequently not being able to give it to God. What's a woman supposed to do with all of this emotion? Trust me, I have been praying fearfully and just have not found that spot yet to be able to do what it is going to take to give it all to Him. How frustrating that has been for me. So, here is to hoping that my heart finds the place to let God take this prayer from me and answer it in His way and time.

We are so grateful to be in your prayers everyday, and could not live without them. Thank you.

Hugs and blessings,
Stacey

Taking the bull by the horns and saying "LET'S GO!"

2009-01-24T20:45:00.001-08:00

With yesterday's post and much prayer, Scott and I decided that we were going to take the bull by the horns and get going on what needed to be done. There is no time like the present, it's something that has to be done. Getting started can be the painful part of any change that is needed in one's life, so today was our day. Last December we bought a year's membership at our local rec center. So, with that behind us, today was the day that we started the journey to faithfully going. Not that we haven't been there yet, just now know that today is the turning point in our lives for the better.

With this new change of eating in our lives, I feel somewhat stressed because all of the meals fall on my duty to fix. This is going to have to be a totally conscious effort on my part everyday to discern what to prepare and how to prepare it for us. Knowing that this is so important makes it extra stressful because I want to do everything right so results do happen for us. Thank you to all of you who have told me of diets and cookbooks to try. This is definitely going to be one of those learning curves for me. Hopefully it does not take too long to get started on.

My spirit has been lifted up today. I'll admit though, yesterday was pretty rough for me though. After talking with Scott, I almost felt like we were told that children were not going to be a possibility for us. Knowing that we both need to lose weight is hard, but what makes it harder is the fact that Scott has to lose weight in order for us to have any chance at conceiving children of our own. After a night full of prayer, I am pretty sure that God was with me today because I got the chance to talk with my mom about this. And as you already know, I value so much of what she tells me. We talked over what the doctor told Scott and then I proceeded to tell her that I felt like we were told that we would never have children. Of course, my mom, with all of her grateful thinking, helped me see a different side of it. Many times I can be one track minded, but my mom however, was able to talk some more sense into my head. She said, "Stacey, this is treatable and I have already told you that it may take both of you losing some weight to help things along, this is not something to give up over." Knowing my feelings, she also said that "It's not like the doctor said that he would never have children, that is different." I know she is right, and so today I focused on getting down to business and starting our new journey.

With all that we are going through, I would like to take the time to praise my husband, because after all it is he who is motivating me right now. Scott has known since the very beginning our our relationship that having a child(ren) is one of my callings in life. Which, is why he has been so willing to make the necessary changes and lose weight. I am sure that this weighs heavy on his heart knowing that he is not able to help us make one of our dreams come true right now. Tears flow as I begin to realize just how much he has truly been willing to give up for me. You want to talk about an incredible man and why I know that he was meant for me, just look at how much he loves me. As we are on this new path together, I am sure that God is strengthening our marriage every step of the way and for that I too am grateful.

We ask for your continued prayers as we journey down this new path in an effort to make our dreams come true. Oh I am sure there will times that we struggle, but the end result will be a miracle in so many ways.

Hugs and blessings,
Stacey

Friday happenings...

2009-01-23T19:59:00.000-08:00

I had a really awesome day with the little kindergartners. They are so cute and full of energy. How amazing their little minds work. Sometimes you just never know what is coming next. :) We had a ball together today, especially the afternoon group. It is good to be able to get out of the house and spend sometime with other adults, as well as those little men and women. (lol)

Yes, Scott did get to the doctor's office today. Unfortunately I was not able to go with him like I wanted to because work took precedence over his appointment. I tell you I don't know how many prayers I said today about getting some answers. After school I called Scott to see what the doctor said. Since he was still at work, he told me that the doctor did not say much and when he got home we would discuss it. My heart nearly fell through the floor. Much like I have already been doing, I had to wait, ...again. Yes, I will admit that I cried before he got home because it is my fear that he was going to be told that he could not have children. As I worried and worried, the time finally came when Scott got home. While we sat down at the table for supper, he opened up about what answers he got today. This is so hard for me to say. The doctor told him that he had to lose weight, actually a lot of weight. It was going to have to be done. It came as no surprise to Scott, he knows that needs to happen. Ummm~I can't tell you how hard it was to look into my husband's eyes and have him say that if it does not come off, then there will be no need to worry because he may not be around. You wanna talk about a reality check. Truthfully I feel like a dagger has been sent through my heart. In some ways my world still feels like it is crashing down around us and that we have already got so many obstacles to face now with TTC. The good thing about today's visit with the doctor was that Scott got some much needed explanations of what was going on and why weight loss is going to be a must. So, with this ahead of us, we will be on this adventure together and as my wonderful husband says, "now's the time to get serious about it." I am certainly going to have to learn some new recipes for us as I begin to cook the most healthy meals I can. What a journey we are on, it seems to change daily. However, as much as I feel like this is another hurdle for us, I am glad that some more answers came our way today.

I am scared about everything coming together for us. Age is not in our favor, we're getting older everyday. I wish that this was 10 years ago, boy how that would change things. It's terrible to feel like you have an alarm clock ticking away at you and that you may not get things done before it goes off.

Please pray for us. Next week is my turn and then again next month too. It is so dang hard to stay hopeful; the Lord knows I am trying not to fall completely apart.

Hugs and blessings,
Stacey

Back to work!

2009-01-22T20:33:00.000-08:00

Today was my first day subbing for about a month now because of the holidays and all of the snow days we have had in the last couple of weeks. Kindergarten is one of my favorite grades, which just happens to be the classroom that I was in today and will be in tomorrow too. You know, it is nice to go into school and have everyone so happy to see you. Actually, the amazing thing is that the kindergarten teachers at this school say that they "love" me and request me every time they are going to be out. Boy, that makes you feel really good. This particular school building is my absolute favorite!!! If I could get a full time job anywhere, I would want it to be there. Everyone is so genuinely friendly and totally devoted to teaching for all of the right reasons. That is a wonderful thing.

Scott goes to the doctor tomorrow. With this visit, I hope that we can get some answers. Because I know Scott does not like to talk about things like this very much, I tried to just put in a few words for him to remember. Basically, I wanted him to stress to the doctor that we are actively trying to have a baby so if there were extra things that need to be done, then they can get started on them. I will be praying all morning. His appointment is at 10:30am. Here is to starting to take small steps through our journey to having a miracle hopefully this year.

Happy Friday everyone! I will be talking with my doctor soon. As I was doing some research on the web yesterday, I found out an interesting bit of information. Much to my surprise, irritable bowel syndrome is related to and a symptom of major depression. Just thought I might share that with you. With my doctor's appointment next week, I hope to be able to get some answers or maybe confirmations on what I found out yesterday. I just pray that it is not endometriosis. Golly gee, I already have enough issues as it stands now and I don't want any more to have to tackle.

Thanks for keeping us in your prayers. I, like so many of you, firmly believe in the power of prayer.

Hugs and blessings,
Stacey

Just another Wednesday in the neighborhood...

2009-01-21T19:09:00.000-08:00

Thank you to all of you who have posted or are working on posting your 16 things we may or may not know about you. It is a lot of fun reading them and I hope it has been just as much fun creating them. I also wanted to say that anyone who reads my blog is certainly welcome to post their list of 16 things as well. I never want anyone to feel like I have left them out. :) Oh~please feel free to tag me anytime. Much like Betty Rubble, I too want to blog everyday. So, tags just help keep my posts interesting for me to do and others to read. :)

The highlight of my day has been reading your blogs and lists. They have lifted my spirits during a time that has been much needed. I don't know how many of you suffer from depression, but it has been something that I have been taking medication for for a long time. If I can remember correctly, sometimes women who have PCOS also suffer with this condition as well. Anyway, for the last couple of days I have been battling it pretty heavy. Right now I am pretty sure that it is not in control. I truly don't feel like myself anymore, but have to admit that I have not really felt like myself for so long that I don't know if I remember what that should feel like or not. Pretty pathetic I know. The hardest thing for me to get over is the fact that I have had so much opportunity these last few weeks, with time off from subbing, that some of things on my goals list should have been completed, but wasn't. It upsets me to think that there have been so many hours that have gone by and I have simply not had the motivation to get up and get going. Due to the put downs that come to my mind frequently, I really feel awful. It's like I can get excited about it in my thoughts, but somewhere along the line the excitement gets lost or trapped inside my body and is not allowed to fully come out. I can't believe that I am going to admit this, but sleeping is all that I have been able to accomplish lately. If given half a chance I would stay in bed all day and not get out. This type of "chronic fatigue," we'll call it, is really terrible. Well, maybe no motivation is more of the words that I need to use. I have been trying to think about what triggers this and one reason that I came up with is the fact that I stay home and do not go anywhere or talk to anyone, except Scott when he comes home. Occasionally I do talk on the phone with family or friends, but it is not an everyday occurrence. Maybe for me this is too much cabin fever, I don't know. But, much like I said earlier, I really don't have any motivation to do anything anyways. I am so frustrated and angry about it right now. It isn't like I don't want to do things, it just that I physically can not get myself motivated or mentally ready to take on tasks. Until I get this mental "block" taken care of, I don't know what to do. I really would love to talk with someone, but am scared to try a psychologist. At the same time, I know that I would not want to bring a baby into the world with myself like this, and I am sure that God would never allow it anyway. I feel so broken and I don't know how to fix it. Please forgive me, I know my depression is a reoccurring theme. It is a daily struggle for me and would like for it to go away and never come back. Well, I know I have rambled on long enough about it, but will close by saying that not in a million years was this ever something that I would have thought that I would be dealing with. Mental illness is so awful, I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. It is a joy in my heart that you have taken the time to read my post for today. I am at a loss for words and actions about it and I feel terrible for bringing it up again. I pray for God's healing touch on my mind. Maybe another trip to my family doctor is what I need? Seems like I have been seeing her a lot lately. Thanks for your support. I care deeply for each and everyone of you.

Hugs and blessings,
Stacey

Getting to know a little more about me~

2009-01-20T21:04:00.000-08:00

I was tagged by Lisa to tell 16 things that you may or may not already know about me. Lisa is so wonderful and such an inspiration to me, not only is she one of my followers and got me started, but she is part of my family too. She has a handsome little boy who was conceived through IVF. Cameron blessed us at our wedding by being our little ring bearer. When you see him, he will immediately melt your heart. Yep, he is the little guy that I had a picture of a few posts ago. Well, her blog is titled My Journey Through Infertiltiy. Sorry, if I knew how to make a link here, I would so all you have to do is clink on it. But, I don't know how. So, let's see, she is my very first follower on the bottom of my list. Check out her blog, she just got a new look. Not to mention, she is a great source of support for anyone who has or is dealing with infertility issues. She's one of the best. :)

Well, let's see, about me...

1. My favorite kind of tractors are John Deere ~ however, we use New Holland and Agco machinery on our farm

2. My favorite color is red ~ I love to decorate with the primitive colors of red, mustard and black

3. My favorite kinds of drinks ~ Coke Zero and Diet Sunkist Orange

4. One of my favorite kinds of food would be italian ~ with lasagna being my favorite dish, however, I also love American food too with PIZZA being my all time favorite food ever

5. I am a totally primitive country decorator ~ I just love the history behind antiques

6. I drive an 07 Chevy Uplander (van) ~ my dream car would be a black Chevy crew cab - long bed truck with big tires and smoke stacks

7. Our home is over 100 years old ~ Scott's grandma was born and raised in this house and oh the awesome stories she remembers and tells us

8. I have never flown in an airplane

9. My favorite treats are Reese Peanutbutter Cups, Chocolate Chip Cookies and Ice Cream

10. We live on almost 100 acres and farm a total of almost 1500

11. I love to ride in the tractors with Scott ~ but better yet, I love to drive them :)

12. I not only have a "girly" side to me, but I can be a tomboy as well ~ some of my favorite things to do are get dirty working, going to tractor & truck pulls, rodeos and monster truck jams

13. My favorite shoes are my Justin boots ~ oh yeah!!!!!

14. When I go shopping ~ my ideal places to go are craft and antique shops

15. My favorite farm animal ~ cows!!!

16. If I could live in history ~ I would want to live during the time of "Little House on the Prarie" and Laura Ingalls

Well, I hope this tells you a little more about me, or better yet just how crazy I am? (lol) Now, let's see, I am to pick some other people and have them share 16 things that we may or may not know about them. So, I choose...
Ann ~ Praying for a Miracle
Becky ~ Any day now......I'm still waiting
Becky ~ The Branches
Betty ~ I Married Barney, Now What?
Life in Mazes
Living Advent

I can hardly wait to see what you write. This was a really neat post for me to do. It also gave me a chance to focus on something else besides TTC and the other stresses. Good luck ladies. Have fun!!!

Hugs and blessings,Stacey :)

A time of loss...

2009-01-19T20:56:00.000-08:00

Hi everyone~

I had not planned on being away from my blog this long, but appreciate you hanging in there with me. This past weekend has become a time of sadness for my family.

Our family is preparing for another loved one to go and find his home in heaven. His battle with many health concerns has been long. The cancer that he was being treated for has spread rapidly into his lymph nodes everywhere. After being recently admitted to the hospital and then released to go home, upon his request, things have continued to decline. Early this weekend, he was found unconscious and was rushed back to the hospital and put on life support. The doctors have declared him brain dead. Due to the request of his living will, he was being taken off life support tonight.

Pardon me for not making sense. I am finding it hard to type and stay focused. Since all of my grandparents have gone to heaven, it makes losing someone else that much harder for me. I am never prepared. I took the death of each of my grandparents very hard and still grieve for them today.

Well, before I get too emotional, I am going to sign off. Thank you so much for all of your prayers. They are greatly appreciated.

I am now back to blogging again everyday. Once again, thank you for your patience with me during this time. You are all in our thoughts and prayers everyday.

Hugs and blessings,
Stacey

Thoughtless Thursday...

2009-01-15T20:34:00.000-08:00

Our dog Gizmo has been a real blessing, especially for me. Since moving here in 2007, Gizmo and I have developed quite a bond. She, in many ways, is like a child for me. As all of you know, I spend a lot of time by myself and having her here with me keeps me company. For those of you who have or have had a dog, know that they seem to be able to sense your emotions. That is certainly true of her, so many times when I have been depressed, Gizmo will come and lay her head on my lap or lick my hand. There have been many times too that she will just come and lay beside me or on my feet as if she is telling me that she understands and loves me. I can always count on her to follow me around the house and get excited when it is time to go outside. Tonight, as I was fixing supper, she was following me around the kitchen. I had just come in from taking our steak off of the grill. Yes, Scott and I use our grill year round, even in sub zero weather. Crazy, I know. Anyway, while I was cutting the bone out, Gizmo stood right by my side. She knows that she will get a treat when we have steak, because she gets the bone. The moment that I began to cut the bone off, I heard Gizmo slurping her tongue and licking her lips. At that moment, I stopped and all I could do was smile. So much like a child I thought. :)
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As I was thinking about children, my mind then drifted to Scott and I having a baby. I don't know about you, but I believe that God works through others and places answers on their hearts. With this in mind, I have asked my mom and other family this question: "Do you think that Scott and I will have a baby?" It is a question that plays over in my mind like a broken record. For me, I guess I need affirmation. Maybe this is crazy of me to do, I don't know? So, what are your thoughts?
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I actually got out of the house tonight and went into town to the grocery store with Scott. (I haven't been out since Monday when I went to the doctor's office.) When we got back home, there was a message on our answering machine that there would be no school again tomorrow. Well, that was not big surprise because the temperatures tonight and tomorrow are supposed to be colder than they were last night and today. Not to mention with all of the snow we got last weekend, we are getting another 3 to 5 inches more on Saturday. Yippee. I am so ready for spring and winter has just begun. ugh~
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I greatly appreciate your comments. You are all very sweet friends and I am glad to be a part of your day. :)

Hugs and blessings,
Stacey :)

Cold Feet Wednesday...

2009-01-14T19:38:00.000-08:00

Doctor update: I got a call from the doctors office, they had scheduled my appointments for me. So, I see the gastro doctor on January 27th and the GYN on February 23rd. My heart is glad to have those scheduled and my mind is looking forward to getting some answers. I was hoping to get in sooner, so once again, I will play the waiting game. Which, as many of you already know, is not my favorite game to play. Yes, I tend to be a little on the impatient side.
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My main objective today was trying to stay warm, especially keep my feet warm. For some reason they have been cold and I have not been able to get them to warm up. Thankfully we have a heating blanket on our bed because that is how my feet finally get warm, and also helps my legs from hurting. Cold feet are the worst. We got more snow today and will be settling down around -20 tonight. Brrrr~ Not sure if I will have to go to school tomorrow or not. The windchill will be mighty chilly, plus the roads are snow covered and all they can do is scrape them because the salt will not work, just too cold.
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With being sick before Christmas break and then having my days cancelled due to weather recently, I have been able to adjust nicely to staying home. Which is why I don't want to admit it, but I kind of like being a stay at home wife. Can we afford it, not really. Right now I seem to be at odds with myself because I feel like God called me into education and I have not been able to find full time work. However, I do like to flexibility in being a substitute because it allows me to say "no" to work when I have appointments and such. It pays decent, plus there are no weekends which is nice because many other part time jobs require weekend work. Now, here is my thoughts...I would like to start a preschool at our church since we don't have one, or do I want to start babysitting out of our home? Both would bring in income, but Scott does not want to see me give up trying to go for a full time teaching job because he knows that I went back to college for a second time in order to become a teacher. Oh~I am so confused. What to do? At some point, I am going to have to be the one that carries the insurance because when Scott takes the farm over full time we will not have any like we do now with his full time job. Which, makes my choices even harder. Maybe all I have become is lazy. That may be my answer, which may mean that I just need to get off of my duff and quit whining? O well, thanks for letting me ramble on. Just some thoughts I wanted to throw out there.
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Hugs and blessings,
Stacey :)

Time to question and listen...

2009-01-13T20:24:00.001-08:00

Not much happened here today. It was pretty normal with Scott going to work and myself at home taking care of what needed to be done around the house. Throughout the day I found myself talking with God, as I usually do, asking Him questions. It started out with the usual, why me and why hasn't it happened yet? Then, that little voice in my head said, "Stacey, you have only been married for going on 6 months and these things take time." This is something that I have often heard from my mom. The more I thought and began to dig a little deeper, I found that what I truly am looking for is the ability to give TTC up to God. Not only give it up to God, but be able to let Him take it and answer it in His time. Somehow, someway, I find myself trying to take that request back and make it happen on my own. So many times I have found myself getting mad at others who are able to have children or who have children and do not know the struggle that it can be for someone who truly feels that it has been her life's calling to be a mother. For many reasons, I have felt like certain things in my life are not happening because I am being punished by God for my sins. Now, I know this may sound crazy, but it is how I feel. Punished, I thought, then my mind shifted again and I got angry with God. Why do people who are are addicted to drugs, alcohol and abusive relationships get the chance to have children. Not to mention all of those children who are brought into this world and not wanted and then neglected and abused. It just makes me furious and IT'S NOT FAIR!!! Women like that should not be mothers, those of us who are better off should be the ones raising the children of the world. I began again, to compare myself to these other situations and thought that my sins are not nearly as bad as some of what others commit. Why then am I still feeling like I am being punished and God not realize that I have not done the terrible things that some other women, who have children, have done? This thought process went on for awhile and then as I was finishing rinsing off the dishes and putting them into the dishwater, the answer came over me. Nearly in tears, I realized that God was talking to my heart and telling me that I am no better than any other of His children. A sin is a sin and we all have committed them. I know God's love is bountiful, but for me, this is quite a new thought. I have to admit, it stopped me in my tracks and humbled me. With this, I have tried to remain humble tonight. How wonderful it would be to just know that I could have a simple "yes" or "no" answer to my question "will I conceive a child with Scott, carry it for 9 beautiful months and then give birth to a healthy baby?" I do not need to know when, just if. If...the smallest, but hardest and largest meaning word to have to live with. There are still questions that I am waiting on answers to from God. It is my prayer that He be my all in all everyday and that I surrender all of my prayers to Him, knowing that He will take care of them in His time.

I continue to pray for all of you daily. It too is humbling to know that I have so many wonderful prayer warriors out there doing the same for me. You are the best!!!

Hugs and blessings,
Stacey :)

Update Monday...

2009-01-12T21:59:00.000-08:00

Well, I made it to the doctor's office today. I have to admit though, I never thought that I would actually look forward to going to see the doctor as much as I did today. Guess that tells you where I am at as far as my desire to have a baby soon. :)
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After talking over the symptoms that I wrote about, she told me that she thinks the reason I have gas pressure, diarrhea and some constipation is because of suffering from Irritable Bowel Syndrome. The funny thing is, she told me that I definitely have the personality for it. I guess being type A and worrisome is something I will have to work on, with much prayer of course. (lol) So, she is going to send me over to a gastroenterologist (spelling?) and have some further tests done. With regards to the blood in my urine, she told me that she is not sure why that would be a possible symptom of endometriosis, since that usually occurs within the uterine wall and not in the urethra were your urine comes from. At the same time she also told me that some people just naturally have blood in their urine, which is the same as my mom, and was not a huge reason for concern. There were also a couple of other reasons she said too, but I can't remember them. With this, she referred me to a local GYN, where I will still have more tests done and hopefully be able to get a better or more clear diagnosis. Also, I mentioned that no other doctor has talked to me about endometriosis and that it did not show up on any u/s that I have had. One thing that I learned from her is that it does not show up on an u/s; she said that it can only be seen by (lapro. ?) surgery. From here the GYN can then refer me on to another specialist if needed, which is good, because I have needed to find a new GYN anyways since I left mine behind when I moved here.
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Oh~I also talked to her about the back ache that I have sometimes and today found out that I have urinary tract infection. Yippee. So she gave me some antibiotics or actually horse pills to take for 10 days to cure that up.
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So, I got some information today, but am anxious to go and talk with these other doctors and get some final results to my questions. Like I said, I am crazy for looking forward to going to the doctors I know. But, if it means me getting one step closer in the right direction, then I am all for it!!!
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As far as the rest of the day, I went to the grocery store and did our weekly shopping. Came home and worked around the house. Really not much else to report, however, I can say I was pretty relaxed today and my emotions were in balance. Which, any time that happens is always, I mean always a wonderful thing. Oh and yes, more SNOW is coming tonight and tomorrow, maybe up to another 4 inches. :)
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Thank you for keeping Scott and I in your prayers. There is such power in prayer. Not only do I have upcoming doctor appointments, but Scott does as well. Answers are coming and that is a good thing and something that the both of us are thankful for. :)
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Hugs and blessings,
Stacey :)

Our love story...

2009-01-11T19:38:00.000-08:00

Tonight, as I was thinking about today and what I was going to post, I thought that now would be a good time to share how Scott and I met and how we became Mr. and Mrs. :)
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But, first, I will just update you on our day. It was very simple, we did absolutely nothing. Since Scott was not feeling well yesterday and I knew the roads were going to be a little tricky, I decided that I did not want to go to church without him, so we both stayed home. We slept in and just sat on the couch for the duration of the day. I can't tell you how happy I was to see that he had put on some comfy clothes and was not talking about what he needed to get done. For me, this is one of those signs that tells me he really doesn't feel good. We enjoyed each other and just sitting on the couch together. Lucky for me I got to hang on to his arm and hold his hand a little. Let me tell you, I felt like a new woman. Call me crazy but I have married to the love of my life and when I don't get to cuddle, touch or kiss him for a couple of days, I merely go crazy! Sorry, I did not get outside other than to feed our barn cats and did not take any pictures. Maybe tomorrow. I guess I was just so blooming excited that he was staying home today that I did have my mind on much of anything else. Let me tell you it felt so good today. I have never had a day like this with him, where all we do is absolutely nothing. Around the farm, there is always, always something to do. hmmm~Wonder when I can have the next day like this?
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Oh~yes, Scott is doing better. He still has that terrible cough and is sore from doing so, but has eaten today and is getting his strength back. Thanks for your continued prayers.
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Okay, on to our love story...

Before I met Scott, he had been married for 8 years to a woman who just up and left him with really no good reason. When I say no reason, I mean he still to this day does not know why she left him. But, lucky for me is what I say. :)

I had been in a long term relationship with someone that I thought was going to be my future husband. He told me that he loved me, asked about marriage to both myself several times and to my parents as well, and allowed me to believe things were going in a certain direction, which ended up being what he called a total lie. Less than two weeks after talking with my parents about marriage, he called me on the phone and told me that he did not love me, never loved me and was only telling me those things because he knew that that is what I wanted to hear. Yes, there were many warning signs that I should have paid attention to, but I didn't because I thought that I really loved him and he loved me. As you can imagine, I was totally shattered. With God's grace, help, strength and mercy, I picked my broken self up and started dating again. At this point I had been doing Internet dating for about 4 years.

I had known for a very long time that it was my calling to be a farmer's wife. It was my passion for the kind of lifestyle that I had wanted to lead. One of the most recent web sites that I had been meeting people from was called farmersonly.com. This proved to be the place that I would meet some nice men and eventually the love of my life.

On Friday, March 13, 2006, I sent Scott the first of many e-mails. Yes, you read right, Friday the 13th. For some time I had been feeling a push in the arm to do so every time I looked at his profile, which was many. Of course, I gave myself every reason in the book as to why this would never work out and that he was not the right one. But, like I said, after giving into what I truly believe was the voice of God, I sent the first e-mail. Much to my surprise, he responded back quickly. We e-mailed each other for about 2 weeks and then began talking on the phone. All of the while, I still had many emotions left to battle and scares left to heal from the most recent brake up. (brake up date was Aug. 6, 05) So, with this in mind, I was still talking with 3 other men at the same time I was talking with Scott. I was guarding my heart so that if one didn't like me then I still had the hope of the other 2. Well, I really liked Scott and another man that I was talking with and dating at the same time. I prayed and asked God to help me discern which man was going to be the best one for me to focus on. After a little while, I began to see that the man whose name will be referred to as E was so much like my ex, which scared me to death. Also, I realized that I was the one, much like with my ex, that was doing all of the work in our "relationship". E was not showing me or giving me any reason that showed me it should go on any longer. Okay, hope I have not confused you, but now I am down to just dating Scott. We talked on the phone for hours on end at night and shared a connection there like I had not with any other man. You see, I was determined that if God was going to have me marry then He was going to basically have to hit me over the head or set him on my parents' doorstep, because I was done with trying to figure things out. Well, needless to say, Scott and I decided that we were going to go on our first date. Our first date would be exactly one month from the time that I had sent him the first e-mail, April 14th. Scott so graciously offered to come down and take me out for lunch. It made me speechless that he was willing to drive almost 3 hours just to take me out. He and I arrived at the restaurant around 11 and had a wonderful dinner. I asked him to come back to my house, which I still lived with my parents, so he got to meet them on our first date. I know, wow, parents on the first date! We spent a little while talking and then we decided to go and see a movie, which ended up being Wild Hogs. After the movie, he took me out for supper. He again came back to my home and we talked some more. All the mean while, time flew by and it was almost 1:00am before he left to come back home. My heart was so taken by him, but I was not about to get my hopes up because I knew what that had meant. No, I would not ask him out again or even act as if I was thinking that. The only thing I said to him was, if you would like, please call me when you get home so that I know you made it safely back. His comment to me was, well, I don't know. I said okay, if you want, if not, that's okay. After he left, I thought about our day and then went to bed with a saddened heart because I wanted him to call and if he called me, then I knew he was interested enough in me to go out again. If he did not call me, then I knew that he was not interested in me and it was time once again to move on. So, I said my prayers and prayed for him and fell asleep. At almost 4am, my cell phone rings, and it is Scott telling me that he got home okay. WOW!!!!!!! Fireworks went off in my mind and I was in tears. At that very moment, I knew. I knew that God had sent me my soul mate. Scared, you bet, because I didn't know how he felt and wasn't going to in any way mention it to him. It is kind of funny looking back, because you know God did bring him to my doorstep. After all, Scott traveled 3 hours to come the first time to see me. He is such an amazing man.

Well, after the first date, Scott and I talked everyday, multiple times a day. And as you can guess, the next date I came up here to what is now our home. Each week we spent coming back and forth, one week he would come to see me and then the next I would come to see him. By this time it is now May 25th. Like normal, we talked on the phone that night. Towards the end of our conversation, Scott told me that he had something that he wanted to tell me. Well, let me tell you, a million things ran through my mind and I figured that he was no longer interested in trying to make this work. But, much to my surprise he told me that he loved me. Wow, love. Yeah, I had been told this a hundred times before by others, but somehow I knew this was different. It felt different in so many ways. Scared, you bet. At that time, he also asked me to marry him. Woa~I couldn't believe what I was hearing. And my obvious answer was yes, with one exception, when he came down over Memorial Day weekend, we would go and get rings. Okay he said. Ring shopping we went and I got to pick out my ring. We looked together and much like him, I fell madly in love with the bridal set that is now on my finger. :)

Well, let me refresh your mind. March 13th ~ first e-mail. April 14th ~ first date. May 25th ~ marriage proposal. Yes, it was fast!!! At the end of June, I moved here after school let out. In July we set the date for us to get married on Aug. 2, 2008. And, on that day, I married my best friend, soul mate and one of God's greatest gifts. So, as I write to you tonight, Scott and I have lived together for over a year before we got married and had talked about children many times. After we got married, I went off of birth control at the end of Aug. 08 and have been TTC ever since, all the while being on metformin to help regulate my body. With my dream coming true of marrying Scott, there is just one last miracle that I would like to fulfill and that has been my calling to be a mother by having Scott's child(ren). Much like many of you, it has been something that I have known all of my life that I have felt called to do. So, please along with me, pray for us as we pray for you. My heart burns with desire and yearns for the day that I can feel the miracle of life inside of me. How awesome would this everlasting love story be if we could only give birth to not only our miracle, but a miracle that would be a living example of God's love and promises. It is my dream to raise a family on our farm and teach them how to be a strong christian and love the Lord with all of their heart, mind, body and soul.

I hope that you have enjoyed reading about our love story. I wish you many blessings for all of your hearts desires and dreams.

Blessings and hugs,
Stacey~

Not as snowy Saturday...

2009-01-10T21:04:00.000-08:00

With all the excitement the news and weather centers around here had, I thought we were really going to get some snow. Well, we did, but they missed by a long shot. We only ended up with about 7 to 8 inches. What a bummer. Scott and I did do some plowing this morning and went to pick up the 1/4 beef we had processed at the butcher shop. After we spent a little time at the farm, working on the new semi, we came home and pretty much have done nothing since. Darn it! I will have to take pictures and post them tomorrow of our snow. :)
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Scott has not been feeling well these last couple of days, so he has been taking Nyquil and Mucines and sleeping a lot. Which is exactly what he needs, all he did this morning was cough and cough. After we came home this afternoon, I have only seen him once for about 1 minute and then he went straight back to bed. Kinda was hoping for some cuddling time, but obviously will have to wait on that. He is so afraid that I am going to catch what he has that he won't get too close to me. I'm surprised that he allows me to share the same bed with him, because he has even made a comment about that too. Let me tell you, I am so in need of a hug or kiss right now that I could just go crazy. JINKIES!!!!! Hopefully we will get him better soon and then we can get back to our normal sappy selves. :)
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Just one more day and I will be getting to the doctor's, and am happy about that. Please keep Scott and I in your prayers. I am hoping that he gets better soon and my appointment will be good news so that I will have some positive posts to write. What ever it is will be, I just pray that I can accept it and then take one step and one day at a time to get closer to trying for that Reilly baby #1. :)
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Thanks for all of your prayers. :) They mean so much to us. You are all so wonderful!!!
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Hugs and blessings,
Stacey :)

Snowy TGIF!

2009-01-09T18:48:00.000-08:00

Well, today it has been snowing all day. We have now about 4 inches on the ground and will be getting much more tonight and tomorrow. Tonight they are calling for around another 6 inches and 10 inches tomorrow. So, I will be out in the truck with Scott and the snow plow. Yippee!!!! We will be able to talk and spend time together and have a lot of fun playing in the snow!!!! It is going to be an early morning for us, need to leave around 4:00am to get started so we can plow out the people that need to get to work. I must say, I am looking forward to spending time with him. My heart still beats like the first time I saw him and the more we are together, the more that I love him everyday. :)
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Today was a pretty productive day for me, or at least more productive than the last few. I felt better and enjoyed reading all of the pep talk that I was given from yesterday. All of you are so right and I need to get myself involved and back on track. I have so much to be thankful for, after all I am living one of my dreams just by being married to Scott. He was definitely meant for me and I for him. I hope that we can continue to be so much in love with each other the longer and more years that we are married. Thanks for all of the inspiration! I am so blessed. :)
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You are all so wonderful! I hope that all of your dreams come true; I'll be praying for you!
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Hugs and blessings,
Stacey :)

Running on "E" ~ Thursday

2009-01-08T20:39:00.000-08:00

Today, I have been pretty much running on empty. I really don’t know why because I have not done much this whole week. In fact, the days that I had scheduled to sub were actually cancelled due to weather. My motivation seems to be at its lowest level. For some reason I don’t feel like myself much anymore, and am not sure whether it is due to my depression or something else. Not so long ago I can remember being a real go getter and getting so much stuff done every day and wondering how I will be able to stretch another hour into the day. Now, it is pretty much the opposite. I get done only what has to be done and nothing else. Fortunately I did get the dishes done, the trash taken out, lunches packed, and supper fixed. But, other than that today, I pretty much stayed on the couch. This total lack of ambition is really getting to me. I get up in the morning with great intentions, and then before I know it, the day is gone and I have done nothing. This so bothers me and I really don’t know how to motivate myself. Sometimes I begin to wonder if I have taken anti-depressant medications for so long that they are no longer effective for me. Over the period of several years that I have been on them, I have changed the type as well as the dosage. Well, I guess that gives me something else to ask the doctor about on Monday too. This has got to be one of the most horrible feelings to have to live with. It is so frustrating to start the day with the best of intentions and then become so numb feeling and unable to focus that I simply get nothing accomplished. To me this is so inexcusable in my book. I look at my mom and other strong women that I know in amazement at how they can keep going even when they don’t have the motivation either. In many more ways than one, I feel like a real failure to myself and especially to my merely perfect husband. He works so hard every day and then there is me, just doing enough to get by each day. Sometimes I wonder why he even puts up with me. He has so earned his angel wings by marrying me with all of my depression, motivation and emotional problems. Somehow I have lost the happiness that I have had, even up to 4 months ago. Since then is seems to have gone downhill. I simply don’t know how to help myself. It isn’t that I want to be this way, because I don’t, it’s I just don’t know how to get back to a place where I am happy again and successful each day accomplishing my goals. Hopefully you don’t think I am crazy, despite how sometimes I truly feel about myself. If you have any suggestions, I would warmly welcome them.
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Thanks for your continued listening ears and letting me ramble about my concerns, because I know you all have your own. Also, thanks for your caring hearts, I enjoy when you leave me messages of support. They do not go unnoticed and am forever grateful that I have friends to give me the truth and tell me what they think will help me the most. You too have earned your angel wings. I do a lot of praying during the day, so please remember that you are all close in my thoughts and prayers as well. Happy Friday everyone!!!
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Hugs and blessings,
Stacey

Counting time Wednesday...

2009-01-07T19:44:00.000-08:00

I have to admit, I am counting down the days until the weekend is here and I can once again have my hubby home for a little bit, or at least go with him while he works down at the main farm. This week has been pretty rough knowing that Scott is back to work and will not have a day off for a long while. Sometimes I think work keeps his mind off of things though. We all have our ways of coping with stress and taking our mind off of things for a while. Mine, I would have to say is shopping at craft stores. I know, it is bad to stress relieve with shopping and spending money. Which is why I think having my own craft shop would be so helpful for me. That has been one of my visions for a long time now. How do some of you stress relieve? Oh~ I do read the Bible and pray too, that is also very comforting to me.
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As I am also counting down the days until the weekend, I have to admit, I am also counting down to Monday so that I can go to the doctor and start getting some answers. It will be nice to talk and see what she thinks as well as get started on testing for answers that we need. It is my prayer that I do not have endometriosis. Oh how that would be such good news. I am just so stinkin' scared right now that I could get sick. Oh well, one day at a time and one step at a time. Getting started can be one of the hardest things to do, kinda feels like the unknown.
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The snow keeps falling and the wind keeps blowing. They are calling for another inch tonight and 25 mile and hour winds with gusts up to 35 miles per hour. Trying to get to my Christian Education meeting at church tonight was a real bear. So, I am counting the hours to know if I will have to drive in that again to go to school in the morning. It is not something that I enjoy at all.
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I actually am counting down the days until spring. I know we just got into winter, but I am ready for it to be over. It is not one of my favorite seasons. There is so much that I want to get done this spring around the house and I am anxiously awaiting those days to come so that I can paint rooms, outside doors, mulch and plant flowers. The winter makes me stay inside and I enjoy being outside way too much. Living in a cabin in snow year round does not sound like my idea home.
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There is just a few more days until some of my dearest family comes to see me. I just can hardly wait till they come! We are going to have such a wonderful time together. Shawn and Lisa have the sweetest little angel named Cameron. What a blessing and inspiration they are to Scott and I. Wouldn't know what to do without them. I just pray that the weather is good for traveling for them.

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Thank you for your continued prayers for Scott and I. Just like many of you, we feel blessed to have wonderful people praying for us.
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Many hugs and blessings,
Stacey :)

Trying to stay hopeful Tuesday~

2009-01-06T21:02:00.000-08:00

Tuesday has been a little bit better, but I am still trying to remain hopeful and not fall apart. Oh it is so hard to do. Thankfully I have not shed as many tears today as I have done the last couple. It is my prayer that Monday will arrive soon so that my answers can start to come. Things continue to run through my mind and wreak havoc every once in a while. Why does this have to be so cotton pickin' dang hard. It is absolutely frustrating to me. Okay, while I am on a roll, I have to say that I wish people would quit telling me that there is always adoption. Yes, I know that, but isn't it okay if I try to have my own. For me, right now, adoption is the last thing that I want to hear from anyone. To be honest with you, it causes a huge lump in my throat and swipes away all of my hope. I know it shouldn't, but it does.

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You know, I have been a substitute teacher for several years and a full time teacher for 3, until I met my husband and moved 3 hours away from my family and friends. Let me tell you, the 3 years that I taught school were in an inner-city setting where these children were from abusive, gang ridden, drug infested and economic stricken homes. Everyday I walked into school I knew that I was going to have to try and make a difference in my students lives, because many were not wanted. The daily turmoil that they had to go through ate at me, not only did they go home to it, but they had it among themselves in school. With God's help, I tried to make my classroom a haven for them, a place of nurturing and growth as well as somewhere they could come and be safe and loved unconditionally. So many of them had problems, problems that no child should ever have to deal with. To be honest, being a teacher in this kind of environment upset me, simply because I knew that many of these children were brought into the world for all of the wrong reasons. It isn't fair that children should be able to be brought into the world under these circumstances when there are so many couples like Scott and I wanting our own biological miracles. Why is this? People who should not pro-create do it with such ease. Then there are the rest of us who are in a loving relationship and deeply want our own who have such a rough time of TTC? It just isn't fair!!!!!!!!

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Well, you know, I just wasn't planning on having AF arrive until Friday. No, instead, here she is today. I guess I should see this as a blessing because 1, I am having AF this month and 2, she will hopefully be all gone by the time Monday comes so if they need to run any tests down under, then I can have them done and not have to be concerned about her. Thankful the metformin is working and allowing me to have my cycles each month. For me, this has been a blessing to go on, because I can have a cycle each month, where I didn't always before. Okay, small blessings and one day at a time. :)

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On a different note, some of my followers have been asking about our farm and wanting to see pictures of it. So, I am going to try and put some on my post tonight. Let's see, my husband farms with his dad, until his dad goes into retirement. After that, we will take over the farm completely. We have about 1500 acres of land, some we own and some we rent. Corn, soy beans and wheat are what we grow. The farm used to also be a milking dairy, but about 10 or maybe a little more years ago, the dairy cows and equipment were sold. That was when the farm went to being solely a grain operation. I don't have many pictures right now on my external hard drive, but I am going to post a couple that I do have of our harvest this past fall. :)

This picture shows the new piece of equipment that we had to buy, it is the black thing in front of the combine, known as a reel. We had to purchase this because all of the strong wind we had broke the stalks of corn, and this piece helped to pick up the stalks so they would be able to get shelled by the combine. :)
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It is a blessing to have you praying for us. We are so grateful. :)

Blessings and hugs to all,

Stacey :)

Thank God for moms :)

2009-01-05T21:04:00.000-08:00

When I left you last night, my spirit was really low. I continued to cry throughout the night and consequently woke up this morning with severely swollen eyes and a fat upper lip. There are many times that my emotions run wild and my thoughts get the best of me. I promise you, it was nothing anyone said that upset me. You see, before I was diagnosed with PCOS, I was always fearful of endometriosis. So, it was in the back of my mind and after trying to re-diagnose myself yesterday, things got a little hay wire. There are those days that it does not take much to tip myself over the edge.

Today was a better day. This morning I woke up very numb to any feelings and just sat and prayed. With God's help and the strength He gave me today, I did not waste it. My Christmas decorations still needed to come down and be put away. So, I took them down and put them up. It is my goal tomorrow to get my home redecorated with year round primitives once again. As I was taking down and putting things away, the feeling I had was that I need a fresh start. Some how, by getting this task done, it has enabled me to somewhat feel like I have a clean slate to start on and a new day to fulfill and so many memories to make.

Now, you may be asking about my title. Well, I talked to my mom on the phone today for a couple of hours. There is nothing like hearing her voice and having her wisdom be given to you. I do believe that God works in the most amazing ways, and truly feel like He was with me as I talked over what I had been going through with her. Much of what we talked about were things that she said, "Stacey, I have experienced that (meaning many of the symptoms that I have or have had) and you should not jump to conclusions, you are going to make yourself sick. It is not worth getting yourself all worked up about." Specifically, we talked about me and the possibility of an endometriosis diagnosis. The diarrhea that I have been experiencing is a result, she thinks of the same thing that she has been dealing with much of her life too. No one knows better what foods I love than her and I think she may be right when she says it is what I am eating that causes the diarrhea and gas pressure that I feel a lot. Now, the one thing that I was really concerned with was having the symptom of blood in my urine. Right now, I do not have that and have not had that for a long while. Much to my surprise she told that she suffers from that too, and may be linked to other things regarding my gallbladder, colon or even diverticulitis. After talking with her my spirits had lifted and was so thankful that I have such a loving mother who has shown me so much about how to be a strong woman, wife and hopefully someday a wonderful mom. :) She absolutely means the world to me and I would be totally lost without her. So, with her words of wisdom once again, I will "take one day at a time and be patient." The purpose of my title today was to give my mom all of the credit that she do deserves, because life has not been easy for her either. She had to wait 14 years between me and getting the chance to have my little sister, as well as deal with a miscarriage in between. She knows me like a book, including all of my worries, dreams and prayers and somehow today I found comfort in that. I love her so much and thank God that when I need her she is there. :)

I did call my family doctor and scheduled an appointment for next Monday morning. Unfortunately she is booked until then. So, trying not to get emotional again, I am staying hopeful that I will be getting some answers soon.

Thank you for all of your continued prayers. They mean the world to me. What special women you are, and I truly look forward to hearing from each and every one of you.

Lots of smiles and blessings this day,
Stacey :)

An emotional low and so fearful!

2009-01-04T20:11:00.000-08:00

This afternoon has been extremely hard for me to grasp. I have shed tears now for hours and am scared to death. I was debating on whether or not to totally divulge my feelings, but I need all of the help that I can right now. As I had mentioned some symptoms yesterday, a realization came over me that there might be additional concerns for me. I have had two pelvic ultrasounds done over a period of several years and both, I thought, came back with the same diagnosis, PCOS. However, the realization of a possible diagnosis of endometriosis hit me like a ton of bricks that came crushing down on me. To be completely honest, I did not even see that one coming. Not one of the doctors that I was seeing, including my OBGYN that I was going to before moving here, mentioned that to me. Why me? Why me now? What does this mean? Why hasn't any doctor told me of this possibility? Oh God, please don't take away the hope for me to have a child someday. My heart yearns for answers now and so I am going to call my family doctor tomorrow to make an appointment to do two things, 1 -check my gallbladder to see if it needs to be taken out or not and 2 - get the referral to an infertility specialist. Before Scott and I got married, I had several tests run, which not only included the pelvic ultrasound, but several tests on my gallbladder as well. They found that I have a low functioning gallbladder. I was given medication and told that it may need to come out someday in the near future. So, with these two things on my agenda, I am praying for answers. This is going to be a long road for me, I have a feeling. So, if you all could, please keep me in your prayers. Right now I don't know which end is up or what I should be thinking. However, I do know that I am scared to death.

I wish I could be blogging under so many better emotions, but right now, I feel alone and lonely. You could say too that I feel a little turned upside down. However, I am trying so hard to hold onto what I know is true and that is that God loves me and will never abandon me.

My prayers are with you this day and night. It is my hope that all of your dreams are becoming realities for you. I have prayed so hard for all of you. :)

Lots of smiles, hugs and blessings,
Stacey

Just another normal Saturday~

2009-01-03T21:26:00.000-08:00

Today was a normal Saturday for us, Scott went to the main farm to work and I stayed here at the house trying to take care of my list of 2009 goals. I was able to get a little bit more done today, but spent most of the day with a stomach ache and needing to go to the bathroom every 15 to 30 minutes. So, I didn't get as much done as I was hoping for. I don't know about you, but the week before AF shows up, I pay dear for it. Do any of you experience these kinds of issues the week before? In addition to having a stomach ache and going to the bathroom a lot, I also have a lot of gas pressure and experience nausea a lot. Sometimes they both can be bad. Just was wondering? Didn't know if I needed to have this checked out or not?

Well, tonight Scott and I went out with friends of ours to a steak feed. This was an all you could eat feed, much like fish fry's and such. The meal was good, it was all you could eat salisbury steak and all of the other things they had prepared to go with it, like mashed potatoes, beans, salad, etc. We stayed and talked from 6:30 until 11:30, and had a good time. Scott and I both enjoyed the company and laughter, also got to see other friends there too. :)

OH~ Yes, my baked spaghetti is so easy. Here is how I make it...
1. Preheat your stove to 350 degrees
2. Boil a box of macaroni - use any kind you like, shells, elbow, spirals, etc.
3. Use a casserole dish, I usually use a 9 X 13 glass pan - what ever size you like and one that will allow you to make at least 2 layers using all of the cooked pasta
4. Spray cooking spray in the pan so that your casserole will not stick to it, it makes clean up a lot easier too.
5. Drain your macaroni
6. Use spaghetti sauce - what ever kind you like, I use Prego meat flavored for my meat and potatoes man
7. Spread spaghetti sauce on the bottom of pan, not thick, just a thin layer
8. Put in about half of your macaroni
9. Put more sauce on top of the macaroni - I usually use almost half of a large jar on this layer
10. Put mozzarella cheese on top of the sauce - It usually takes me about 2 cups per layer
11. Put in the remaining spaghetti
12. Put on the remaining sauce
13. Put on the remaining cheese
14. Bake for about 10 to 15 minutes, just so that the cheese gets melted on it
15. ENJOY! :)
If you need to, you can make more layers if your dish is deeper rather than wider. It is the same layering over again, pasta, sauce, cheese. :) Hopefully this makes sense, if not, let me know.

It would be great if I could have your prayers as well, I am feeling a little emotional tonight and have done my share of crying. Thanks~ I hope everyone is enjoying their weekend, we have freezing rain coming in the morning, so hopefully we can get to church.

Lots of smiles and blessings,
Stacey :)

Getting started on my 2009 goals!

2009-01-02T20:41:00.000-08:00

Today I thought would be a great day to get started on trying to accomplish small pieces of my 2009 goals. Hopefully each day I can make progress on at least one of them. So, today I spent much of the morning and afternoon organzining and trying to combine our things in the kitchen into one household. Whew!!! Since Scott has lived here for quite a few years, there were and are lots of things to organize, not to mention all of the really neat things we got from my bridal shower and for our wedding. It has been a chore, but a pretty liberating task. At least it got my mind off of TTC for a while, because that was one of my goals for the new year was to keep focused on God and his direction for our lives and the blessings we have now, not on what I don't have or want so badly. I try to remember to ask Scott when I want to take something to the Goodwill, because I don't want to give something away that he has had his heart set on keeping. Thankfully we have been able to rid a lot of things that were here, including those things from his ex-wife, in order to make new room for all of the great gifts we received and all of the things that I had collected before meeting Scott and marrying him. :) It is beginning to feel like ours now. :)

Tonight, Scott and I enjoyed a relaxing evening after he got home from work around 7:30. I had fixed baked spaghetti. We watched the movie Snow Buddies. What a cute movie! If you have not seen it, then it is certainly one that I recommend. Yep, it is kid friendly too! Of course, I did a little crying, not because of anything bad that happens, but just because it was so sweet and such a cute film. Those little puppies make you all gushy inside. :) It was nice just to be able to cuddle a little on the couch before my dedicated and hardworking husband went to bed. He works so hard. Sometimes being here at the house so much by myself can get to me, especially when he works long days, which are a lot. So, I felt greatful that I had the time I did with him tonight because I know here in a few months he will be coming home at 10:30 or 11:00 and then back at work by 5:00 in the morning. Those are the real hard times. I love my life and my husband very much and wouldn't change what we have for anything. When I met Scott for our first date, I knew when he cared enough to call me back after traveling home almost 3 hours, that he was the one. He later told me that he knew that day too because he did not want to leave me. :) We spent all day together and he did not start home until 12:30am, so it was quite late when he had returned home. Sometime I will have to post our love story and how Scott and Stacey Reilly became husband and wife. :)

I can hardly believe that we are already working on day three of the new year. Boy, how does time go by quickly! Here is to wishing all of you time to cuddle and reconnect with your husbands. One of my precious family members left me a special comment and I want to share it with all of you, it is a great reminder of the need to stay focused on what really matters and the blessings that you have and not on what you don't have. Here is what some of the comment said, "It was a very emotional time in our lives, because every month was a crushing blow to us. I won't tell you to not think about it but don't lose the love in your relationship because of it. Live everyday loving your husband as if were the first day you fell in love. Because after a while you feel like a robot just to be intimate. Have date nights, do things whenever the notion hits you. Just have fun and enjoy each other and when God decides its the right time it will happen." Tears still come to my eyes as I read that, because it is so true and with Scott and I just starting out, I certainly need to remember that. :) Hopefully it will be a little reminder for all of you as well.

Here is (((hugs))) for everyone. I am really excited about this year and what it brings for Scott and I. My thoughts and prayers are with you all everyday.

Lots of smiles and blessings,
Stacey :)

My New Year's Resolutions ... Or Goals :)

2009-01-01T20:56:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year everyone! I hope that you all have had a great day and start to 2009. Today was another busy day for me because Scott and I got invited to another party, so I spent most of this afternoon baking. It is a little after 11:00 and we just got home. Scott has to go back to work tomorrow, unfortunately. It has been so nice having him around more these last couple of weeks. So, as you can see my post is a little late in coming for today. Just like I promised from yesterday, I have a list of some of my New Year's resolutions. Actually for me, I like to think of them more as goals than rather what I must achieve by the end of the year. It seems like it is a little less pressure on myself and helps with me being a goal setting person. :)

New Year’s Resolutions

1. Continue to develop my relationship with God on a daily basis

2. Lose weight by regularly going to Rec Center and eating healthier (40-50 pounds)

3. Continue to be the best wife for Scott that I can be

4. Strive to make our marriage as strong as it can be

5. Stay strong and positive while TTC and hopefully have a miracle in 2009

6. Learn as much as I can about PCOS

7. Continue to support women who suffer from infertility issues by documenting our journey to get pregnant

8. Learn much more about enhancing my blog page(s)

9. Start a Christian Preschool at church

10. Prayerfully find my niche in a primitive craft business

11. Finish organizing our home and combining our things into one household

12. Paint bedroom and decorate

13. Paint upstairs and decorate rooms

14. Landscape around our home and barns

Happy New Year's Eve!!!

2008-12-31T13:04:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year's Eve everyone! Just wanted to get a post on here before Scott and I head out for some friend's house. I am looking forward to getting to have some adult interaction, since it is so hard with Scott's work schedule and all of the farm duties and chores. For me it is much needed because I spend a lot of time alone here at our home. Only when he is at the farm and not at work can I spend time with him while he is working. His dad is planning to retire at some point, just don't know when. Farming is one of the hardest things to have to give up, and his dad is certainly no different. Even when he does retire he will still be actively involved daily, I am sure of it. :)

Well, I had planned to put my New Year's resolutions on here today, but that will have to wait until tomorrow. :) What are some of your resolutions? I have so many that in someways I already feel overwhelmed! :)

Thank you to my new followers, what a blessing it is to have new friends and support. Also, many thanks for all of the prayers for both Scott and I as well as our family. Such a blessing you are. May you have a magical New Year's Eve and New Year! Maybe will hear that someone rang in the new year with their own little miracle!!!!!!! :)

Lots of smiles, hugs and blessings,
Stacey :)

Blogs...

2008-12-30T23:37:00.000-08:00

Hey everyone!

I just wanted to let you all know that I have posted 2 blogs for today, in addition to this one. I know that I normally don't do that so I wanted to let you know that there are 2 so you would keep reading, Thank you so much for all of your prayers and comments. Yesterday's comments touched my heart in so many ways. :) What a special day blogging for me. :)

Lots of smiles and blessings,
Stacey :)

Prayer warriors needed...

2008-12-30T23:00:00.000-08:00

Hi everyone,

I am asking you to help me pray for a 17 year old boy who shot him self in the head as he was trying to get his shot gun out of the back of his truck to go deer hunting. This particular young man is the best friend to my husband's niece's boyfriend (Noah). Our niece's boyfriend was in the truck and saw all of this take place sometime yesterday. Right now this is all of the information that I have. This young man lives in Virginia where my brother-in-law does. When I know more I will keep you posted. Please keep Noah in your prayers as well because he has witnessed such a tragedy and something that could be very haunting to him. Thank you so much, I truly believe in the power of prayer.

In prayer,
Stacey :)

Finally, something accomplished today!

2008-12-30T22:35:00.000-08:00

Scott and I got a new camera before we went on our honeymoon, actually the day we left for our honeymoon. I took so many pictures that the camera had 807 pictures stored on the memory card. Thankfully, Scott's cousin was able to come over this afternoon and set my external hard drive set up so that I can save pictures on it. I am happy to report that I have 141 G left of the 145 total G on it. Now I can take pictures and pictures and more pictures. :) Not to brag, but I think I got the hang of takin' pictures and then puttin' them on the external hard drive. I am going to try my luck at it many times here in the next few days. :) My plans are also to put them on CDs and possibly a flash drive too. They are too precious to ever lose.

As I have said before, it is my goal to also have pictures on my blog page as well as start a blog page or two about our farm and my love of primitive decorating. :) The good news is my cousin and his family are coming in a couple of weeks so then his wife can show me how to do all of that! Thanks for your patience. It will be great when I get it done and then of course update it and make some cute changes for the seasons or holiday and such. :)

As I have gone through the blogs that I follow, I know that I am not the only one suffering. First and foremost I want you to know that I am very appreciative of all of the support that you give me. My blog page has been my lifeline for emotions many days and my soft place to fall because I know that I have so many wonderful women friends that are right there behind me. If I have not told you all of this, just know that you are a blessing to me. Some days I look back and don't know what I did when I was not able to voice my opinion and then have people who truly cared and knew exactly what I was going through to give me pep talks and beautiful reminders of the great things ahead in my life.

Today was better for me, I got a little more accomplished than I did yesterday. How in the world do you keep yourself from not thinking about TTC and what you need to do next or worrying about so many things. I thought that I would never tell anyone this, but I am so worried about my husband and his ability in helping us become pregnant. Sorry, I can't go into any detail, but I cry every night and ask myself why me. It is so selfish I know, but it is something that I need prayer for. I guess I want to be able to accept it and have some affirmation in knowing that it is all going to be okay and it will work out for the best. Just know that I am so scared and on occasion angry. No, I can not discuss what I am feeling with him, because it would crush him and he already has a low enough self esteem. If you could, please keep us both in your prayers. Hopefully some answers will come here in January.

Lots of smiles and blessings,
Stacey :)

A highway full of emotion...

2008-12-29T21:00:00.000-08:00

Today was one of those days filled with many emotions, simply because of the various things that happened today. No, nothing major, but just enough that I felt like I was on a highway with my emotions and at every exit was a new emotion. Maybe you have had those kinds of days yourself.

Scott went back to work today and there are just those days that it makes me sad to know that he will be gone and I have another day here at home by myself. Bless her heart, Gizmo keeps me company and always knows when I need her to just rub her nose against me or lick me as if she it trying to tell me she loves me and wants me to be happy. For me, having Scott around during the day is absolutely wonderful. I love spending time with him, whether working or relaxing. My heart yearns for the time when he comes home to me.

I spent a little while paying bills, which is never any fun. But, I was thankful that we had our share to take care of what needed to be paid. :)

My cousin Lisa made Scott and I a DVD for our wedding and let me tell you, it is one of the most priceless possessions that I have. I smiled a lot through the picture slide show that she so beautifully put together of our wedding, until I got to the close up picture of Scott's hand. This particular picture was taken as we were exchanging rings at the alter. The sole focus of this picture was on his hand and the wedding band that I had placed on it. At this point I am in tears and could not stop crying the rest of the way through. All I have to say is WOW!!!!!!!

As I dried my eyes and gathered my things to run errands in town today, all I could think about was that DVD and how it expresses so much emotion, the emotion that I feel for Scott everyday. It was like she knew what I was thinking. And, let me tell you, the music fits so perfectly with the timing of the pictures too. While I was in town, I happen to meet one of the ladies that cleans one of the elementary schools in our town. She is so great and has been a source of support for me. Not having seen her since last year, she asked about the wedding and we chatted a little. When she asked me how things were going I told her great and that we were trying to have a baby. Much like I have been told most of my life about various things, her words of wisdom were, "don't think about it and then it will happen." I know deep in my heart it is true and reminds me that God is in control and that I need to put all of my faith and trust in Him. However, I can't get over the fact that people who say this are most of the time people who already have experienced what you are wanting or wishing for. For me, it's kind of a double edged sword and I get really frustrated at it. Some days I feel really stinkin' crappy because when I look at people who have these words of wisdom and have already been married, had children, or whatever else, I feel like it is just a fake front that is being put on because they don't want you to know that they are really thinking "whew, I am glad that is not me." There are so many times I have felt like my patience is being tested. It is very hard to swallow and smile when all you know you want to do is lay down and throw a massive fit and cry until no more tears can come out.

While I am in the mode to vent, I have just been really struggling with the fact that Scott's sister is expecting. She has always acted like she never wanted any children, which really ticks me off because here I am feeling like I am being called to be a mom. Anyway, she got pregnant about the same time that Scott and I got married. She did not tell any of us until last month, which means she is over half through her pregnancy. One of the blessings that I have is that she lives in Wisconsin, so I don't get to see her on a regular basis. The reason she waited so long was because she said that she did not want to spoil any news we may have. Let me tell you, once I found out, I nearly flew apart. I cried fountains of tears for days and at times still get tears thinking about it. Please don't get me wrong, I love her and her husband so much and am so happy for them. They will make awesome parents and had asked Scott early in our relationship why they were not having children because I thought they would be great at it. I guess it just boils down to the fact that it is a little bitter sweet for me.

The two pink lines that I was wishing for on Christmas never came. In fact the LH surge line has continually diminished, which means I am further away from ovulation because the tester can not detect that chemical in my body. As I tried not to get to emotional today over it, I am still trying to keep the hope alive that maybe next month will be even better. Last month I did not have any of the LH surge line showing and this month I had it showing but not as fully colored as it needed to be. My thoughts are to start the ovulation test sooner as to try and see if I may have missed this month.

Well, I feel like I write a book on here every night. But, I am so thankful that I have support out there who does know what I am going through. I thank God everyday that Lisa paved the way for me to start blogging, it has been a real stress reliever as well as an up lifter for me. Thank you to all who keep me in your prayers, I feel very blessed and lifted up each day.

Have a great day everyone, may many little blessings come to you this day.

Smiles and blessings,
Stacey :)

A day of grazing and tight fit'n blue jeans...

2008-12-28T19:02:00.000-08:00

Well the title pretty much sums up what I did all day today. If you haven't guessed it is EATING and EATING until your jeans are tight and the button feels like it could fling off and shoot someone's eye out. Wow! Scott and I had our last Christmas gathering at his aunt's home and it is always a place where people bring massive amounts of food and all you do is spend the day by first eating lunch, then roaming around rooms, talking a little, eating some more, opening presents, eating some more, playing a game, eating some more, talking again, eating some more, and then before you know it it is supper time and you are eating another meal again. Then, before you leave or as others are leaving you munch on things again. By the end of the day you are miserable and feel like a blimp. For me that is not a good thing, I am not a small person to begin with, so feeling like a blimp is pretty rough.

Besides all of the eating, we had a lot of laughter and bonding time with each other. It always amazes me how we rotate so that we get to talk to everyone, without even knowing it. This is just how it happens, pretty neat, huh. I think so. :) At the family celebration today we had 50 people, and still did not have everyone in the family there. The awesome thing is we were able to get all of us in one picture because of a timed camera with a wide angle lens! Now that is an accomplishment if I do say so myself. When I get a copy of that, I will have to post it on my blog. We even talked about putting this picture in our local paper because they have a section for people to show off family pictures at various events from the past and present. :) Everyone had an awesome time!!! Grandma was even able to make it and had an absolutely great day. I am so thankful for all of your prayers. She is home now and has home health care coming in each day for a little while. Being able to be home, eventhough not quite as independent as she was before, has been a blessing. She still needs our prayers for continued strength each day.

The Christmas season is my favorite, besides Easter, and it always feels like it flies by so fast. You just get the decorations up after Thanksgiving and then before you know it they are coming down at the end of December or first part of January. I am trying to figure out when to take mine down? It really is hard because I feel like I just put them up and now they have to come down. I put my tree up and a few things even before Thanksgiving because Scott and I went to my parents for Thanksgivng supper and then I stayed until he came back to get me on Saturday night after Thanksgiving. Oh well, I will have to focus on the new year and what bright primitive ideas I can bring into my home and how I can redecorate things. There is still a lot left for me to do with my home, like repainting our bedroom and the entire upstairs. Not that I don't like pink, blue and purple; it is just that I don't like looking a pepto bismol walls in our bedroom and dark purple and dark blue walls upstairs. I am going to have to lighten up a lot. Okay, why these colors? Let's just say that my husbands ex had her own unique style and it is not mine. I am primitive to the core!!!!!!! :)

Have a blessed day everyone! My thoughts and prayers are with you all. May you find small miracles through out the day and take time to enjoy the little things in your life.

Lots of smiles and blessings,
Stacey :)

Family... One of life's priceless fortunes!

2008-12-27T20:14:00.000-08:00

Greetings everyone! I hope that all of you had a great Christmas and are enjoying your family time as much as I have mine. You know, for me, being with my family and talking and laughing is sometimes just what the doctor ordered. My husband's family is just as special to me as my very own family. What an awesome gift I was given when I married Scott.

We have been pretty busy the last few days, which is why I have not posted a new blog for a little while. On Christmas Eve, we traveled down and to my parents' home and began our Christmas celebration there. One of the highlights of that day was seeing my cousin Lisa and her precious angel son Cameron, unfortunately my cousin Shawn was working and we did not get to see him. Cameron truly is a miracle and has two of the most wonderful parents in the whole world. My cousins Shawn and Lisa have been such an inspiration for Scott and I because of their battle with infertility. They are the picture perfect couple who are deeply devoted to each other and have an amazing love story, as well as are great Christians. Christmas day was spent opening presents with my parents and then traveling to my family's Christmas gathering at my uncle and aunt's home. Yesterday, the 26th, Scott and I traveled home and cooked and prepared our home for a gathering with his dad, mom, brother, sister-in-law and two nieces. Scott's brother traveled all of the way from Virginia to be with us. Today, the 27th was a beautiful day because Scott's aunt and uncle renewed their wedding vows. They have been married for a wonderful 24 years. What an inspiration for Scott and I as we are newly weds. Someday I too hope to renew our vows and share our love for each other again, hopefully in front of our children. :)

Tomorrow is another gathering for us. Scott's family gets together the weekend after Christmas, so I have more cooking to do and still more partying! I am preparing ham and corn casserole, as well as bringing vegetables and a cheese ball. There will be about 50 people there and I am sure more food than we could ever possilby eat, but that's the way it goes in our family. :) Probably sounds like yours too.

Have a wonderful day all. My thoughts and prayers are with you. It is hard to believe that 2009 is almost here. Seems like just yesterday we were so worried about all of the complications the year 2000 could bring. Boy how time flies!

Lots of laughter and smiles,
Stacey :)

Santa's elf needs a break!

2008-12-23T19:38:00.000-08:00

Today has been a busy day for me. I love to go shopping and buy things for other people, especially at Christmas time. However, I find myself taking so long to wrap gifts that most people would have had them done hours ago. You might say that I put so much love into each gift that when I wrap it I want it to look like a professional has done it. Being the crafty person that I am, it probably stems from the fact that yes, I love adding all of the little details to each package that I wrap because I want them to enjoy to gift but also know how special they are because I took so much time in preparing their gifts to be opened. I don't know, call me crazy I guess. Some how every year I say that I would like to start my wrapping sooner, but you guessed it, it does not happen. Right now I am giving myself a little break. Things have to be done by 12:00 tomorrow because Scott and I are traveling south to my parents for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, we will be back on the 26th. So, you can see my rush I guess. The only good thing this year is that we decided to budget and not spend as much, or else I know that I would be bringing wrapping paper, bows, ribbon, tape, tags and markers to my parents house to finish up what I did not get done. Sounds so ridiculous I know. :) Please pray for us as we travel, we have been getting freezing rain since about 7:00 tonight and it is now almost 11:00. They say we will continue to get it until about 4:00am. Hopefully with the temperature going up to 41 tomorrow traveling won't be so bad.
Well, I said that I would keep you posted on those two pink lines. Today when I checked, I only saw 1. So, I guess the glimmer of hope that I was feeling yesterday is not quite as bright today. In many ways I feel like I am back to square one. So, I am trying to stay focused on the tasks that I have at hand in being one of Santa's helpers and know that if it does not happen this month, or I don't see them this month, then there is always next month.
This may be my last blog until the 26th when we get back, not sure. I may be able to sneak one more in at my parents house or one in the morning before we leave tomorrow afternoon. Anyways, if this is my last one, I want to wish all of you are very Merry Christmas with many blessings. May peace be with you and your families and hopefully you will have a stress free Christmas Eve. :)
Lots of smiles and prayers for all,
~Stacey :)

All I want for Christmas is 2 pink lines!

2008-12-22T22:04:00.000-08:00

I know for some of you reading this you may be wondering what in the world is she talking about? Well, let me explain... Since last month I have been taking ovulation tests and praying to see 2 pink lines. However last month I only saw 1, which meant that yes the test was working, but no, I was not ovulating. BUT, today, I saw 1 pink line and the glimmer of the second. Okay, bear with me here, I have been praying for a glimmer of hope and that little line somewhat appearing dim on that stick was just what I needed. So, call me crazy but really all I want for Christmas is 2 pink lines. For many reasons, I know you are not supposed to ask God for signs, but with my emotional roller coaster lately, today is what I needed to see on that stick. It gave me a little bit of hope and maybe was a small sign of my affirmation in knowing that God would not have prepared my heart and called me to give birth to a child(ren) of my own if He did not intend for it to happen. Right? Actually I guess you might not call it asking for a sign, but more asking for affirmation of what my heart has been longing for. Okay, call me crazy, but yes, I will keep you all posted on those two pink lines. Hey, what do you know, if I get those two pink lines for Christmas then maybe for my New Year's Resolution, I can try for the other two pink lines. Sounds so easy right! Who would have thought that my life would come down to living to see and defining my wants and dreams by a mere 2 pink lines! Thanks for all of your prayers, God hears them and I am so blessed to be able to have the support that I do.
Lots of smiles and laughter,
Stacey

Christmas Program - A Bit Hit!

2008-12-21T15:17:00.000-08:00

Our children's Christmas program this morning was a huge hit. We got a standing ovation! It was nice to be a part of a church again where I can work with the little ones and be a part of Christian education. Since moving here and starting my life with Scott, that was something that was so important to me and have been blessed to find it. Although, I have to admit it was a struggle to find a new church home since I had only gone to one church my whole life and felt like those people were not just church family, but much more.
Unfortunately I forgot my camera and did not get any pictures to post. As we pulled into the church drive, I told Scott that I knew what I had forgotten, the camera! However, I guess I am glad that I just got there early at 8:00 since not going to bed until 2:45 while trying to finish things up and find the church directory for Christmas cards. We have postage free mailbox that everyone puts cards in and is so nice. Our contemporary service starts bright and early at 8:30am, which is great for those of us who farm, especially during the spring planting season and fall harvest season when time is of the essence. :)
I have a little boy in Sunday school that is just 3 years old and never ceases to amaze me, like most children. Their innocence about life and God is so inspiring! This little boy's name is Wesley and is so cute, blonde hair and blue eyes! The little ones recited a poem at the end of the program and nativity scene and bless his little heart, Wesley just stood up there so proud to be a shepherd and recite what he had been practicing at home for the last few weeks. Yep, he was the loudest too and didn't care because he knew the words and wanted everyone else to know that he had memorized it too. As we were going upstairs to change out of their costumes, Wesley's cousin told him how he did a great job this morning and that she was so proud of him. Much to his mom, cousin and my surprise, his response was "I know, I did a good job if I do say so myself!" We couldn't help but agree and laugh. What a cutie he is. I do believe that children are one of God's greatest miracles and gifts. Sometimes they teach us more than any professional ever could and they say it with such few words and motivating innocence. O' to be a child again. :)
Here is to hoping that everyone is having a great evening and able to relax a little on this Sabbath day. God bless and keep smiling!
~Stacey

MMM!!! Cookies and candy!!!

2008-12-20T23:20:00.000-08:00

Today was a lot of fun. I always have fun with the family and it was so worth the trip down and back, even if it was just overnight. We made tons of cookies and candy, like chocolate chip cookies (my personal favorite), snicker doodles, peanut butter, no bakes, buckeyes, coconut bon bons and the famous cut out sugar cookies! What a jam packed day! It was nice to have done all of the preparation on Friday night, made things go a lot faster today. Scott really enjoyed the goodies that I brought home. It was so cute, Gizmo, our dog, greeted me at the door and kept sniffing the air as if she smelled what mommy brought home to daddy. :) She is one smart dog, my honey has taught her well. Actually, I treat her as if she is like a little child. Daddy says she was not spoiled until I came around, but I can't help it, she is just too cute and such a good girl. I love her so much. Hopefully she will still be around when Scott and I finally start our family. :)

Well, tomorrow is the Christmas program at church. Scott and I are lighting the advent candles and I am part of the program. We are doing the Christian version of the 12 days of Christmas. It is so neat to know that each of the days in the song represent something from the Bible. I will have to let you know how it goes, which I am sure will be fine. I am so looking forward to seeing our pastor in a pear suit, because is going to be our partridge in a pear tree. The partridge in a pear tree represents God. I am going to be carrying a basket of fruit for the 9 ladies dancing, representing the 9 fruits of the spirit.

It is getting rather late and I need to be getting some rest since doing all of that driving the last couple of days and trying to get some more Christmas shopping finished up tonight. How about everyone else, are you finished? I have a few things left to get and then I have to wrap it all, which takes me forever because I put all kinds of fancy bows and ribbons on the paper and make crafty tags. I get told a lot that they would rather not open it up because it looks so nice, and I tell them just to go ahead. Having a business background, I can't help thinking when I do things that it is all in the presentation. I guess it is a bad habit I have gotten into, or perfectionism? Have a great day everyone, and I will let you know what fun the day brings!

~Stacey

Traveling down south

2008-12-19T21:16:00.000-08:00

Well, I am at my parents home tonight. After getting up this morning and trying to make a decision on whether or not to travel, I decided that I needed some family time and that the roads were not quite as bad as they had been early on. We got a lot of beautiful ice and it hung gorgeously from the power lines and trees. I am guessing we got about 1/4 to 1/2 inch. None of the children had school today, so their vacation got started a day early. The little ones were sad because they were going to miss out on one of the most fun filled days of the year with their Christmas parties at school.

Traveling was not too bad, acutally the farther south that I came the better the roads. Once I got on Interstate 71, it was pretty good to go. The other roads before that were wet and around our house we had slush. I have only come down for tonight and will leave and make the 2 and 1/2 hour trip back tomorrow at 3. My husband wants me home a little early because we are supposed to be getting some more beautiful weather Saturday night.

This is the Saturday that my aunts, cousins, mom and I all get together to do our day of baking. Tonight we got all of the premixing done and so tomorrow should go a lot faster and smoother. I can hardly wait to cut out those cookies and decorate them. I guess that is the kid in me. Can't wait to have my own little ones to do that with. You know making a mess is half the fun! Some may think that it is a little crazy of me, but I love to see children making constructive messes and getting dirty playing and having a good time. After all, clothes wash and so do children. The both clean up pretty nice. I think it gives them a sense of accomplishment and success, which is so important when they go to school. So, tomorrow I will have to let you all know how the day went. :) And what kind of messes we made!!!!!!!

~Stacey

"Think positive" my mom would always say!

2008-12-18T18:45:00.000-08:00

This morning was still pretty rough. My emotions got the best of me and I stayed in bed for as long as I could stand it. It was about 11:00 this morning when I finally felt like getting up and moving around. For me when my emotions on are a roller coaster ride, I feel like I just need to be still and stay in bed or lay on the sofa. The tears that I had been shedding finally started to slow down enough to quit by 11:30 and I told myself that you have to move and get something done today. Having today off from subbing, I had a lot of time to do some thinking, and thinking I do a lot of, which sometimes gets me into more trouble than its worth. My mom, as precious as she is to my life and would not know what I would do without her, has always told me this..."Stacey, you have to stay positive, you can't always think of the negative, it will get you down." She is so right, but harder to do than say. My mind seems to get stuck like an old record player and continues to play the same thoughts over and over again. There are so many things that I could do to try and get my mind off of what I am feeling and how scared I am, but unfortunately none of it seems to work when I really need it to. How do some of you cope with your emotional roller coasters? I have to be honest, I never thought that I would be suffering from a mental illness with depression. It stinks!!!!!!!

As for Scott's grandma, we went to see her tonight and she is hopeful to make enough recovery to get to come home before Christmas. She is betting on getting out of the step down unit on Tuesday. Tonight she seemed to have a good night and to hear her laughter and see her smile was worth a thousand words. Eventhough Scott and I have only been together for a year and a half, his grandma has touched my life in so many ways. Since all of my grandparents are in heaven, she is the last of Scott's and I just feel like I want to hold on to her forever. What a wonderful woman she is and I am sure has been her entire life. I love the stories that she tells me when she comes to our home because she was born and raised in the house that we now live in. Our home is over 100 years old and there are lots of memories here. Someday I need to record her stories so that hopefully Scott and I can share them with our children. I wish now I would have done that with my grandparents. What a precious and pricesless piece those would be.

Speaking of family, yesterday, Lisa, my cousin, talked about her Christmas traditions. As for me, I have always wanted to start my own traditions when I got married and had my family. Since Scott and I have not had the opportunity yet to conceive and start our family, I rely on what traditions I had as a child. This weekend I am supposed to go to my cousin's home for the annual baking day. We bake cookies, candy and all kinds of goodies that we divide up between myself, mom, cousin Shelley, cousin Penni, aunt Jackie and little cousins. My favorite part of this day is the laughter that we share and the cutting out of the sugar cookies and then the decorating of them. It is so neat to see how the little ones decide to decorate theirs and the ones that they choose to leave out for Santa. With the impending weather, I do not know if I am going to be able to make it this year. We are supposed to have a alot of snow and freezing rain from 12am till 4pm. It would not be so bad, but I have to be back on Sunday because Scott and I are lighting the advent candles at church and the children's Christmas program is that day too. As a teacher, I have a part in it and would not want to miss it for the world. So, I hope the weather is not as fearsome as they say it could be.

Well, it is my prayer that I will have a better day tomorrow and be back to myself more. To those of you who are praying for Scott and I and his grandmother, thank you. God answers all prayers and I am hopeful that we will get some answers sooner than later. :)

In need of prayer...

2008-12-17T20:52:00.000-08:00

Well, today has been a trying day for not only myself but Scott as well. His grandmother has been in the hospital for over 2 weeks and continues to have chest pains. At 89 years old, she is full of spunk and gets around pretty good. It is so hard to see her in the hospital, knowing that she is in pain and wants to go home so much. I think that she may need surgery, however, it is most likely that this is not an opportunity for her. With her age and a pacemaker that is over 10 years old, she has blockage that needs to be repaired but I do not think that her health will allow the doctors to operate. Unfortunately I think she knows this and is the reason why she told Scott's dad that she wishes she had never said anything about her most recent episode with chest pain. Grandma seems to be very confused about everything from the time she was admitted into the hospital, which is also so hard to deal with. We have been planning her 90th birthday party and are still hopeful that she will be able to still celebrate. Her birthday is Feb. 25, which happens to also be my dad's birthday and little cousins birthday too. Please keep her in your prayers, it is so hard to think that you might not have her here with you much longer on earth.

For various reasons this evening, I am also in need of prayer. Like most of us ladies, we worry too much about everything. And...I am no different, in fact, I am probably one the worlds biggest worriers and have been for as long as I can remember. Just know that it revolves around children. I don't like admitting it, but I am so scared right now. There are so many questions that I have and I don't seem to be getting any answers to them. What do you do when you feel like God has called you to be a mom and you feel so scared that it may never happen. I worry about my PCOS condition as well as anything that may need to be discovered with Scott yet. It hurts so much right now. For some, I know that they have waited a lot longer than 4 months. However, I just have so many questions for both myself and Scott that I need answered and for me the unknown is the worst. If I know, then we can try and fix what needs to be done, otherwise, I get worried and depressed. Those of you who have PCOS know that depression goes along with this condition and I do suffer from it. So, as you read this and are taking time to pray, please remember me, Scott and Scott's grandma. I believe in the power of prayer very much.

Getting the hang of it!

2008-12-16T20:14:00.000-08:00

Well, as you can see, I am happy to report that I have made some added touches to my page and am so excited about them. This is still a learning process for me, but I am still anxious to be able to put up some pictures of my home, primitive decorations, farm life and family! It looks like this could become one of my favorite hobbies. It is so nice to be able to have a page on the www that people can view and see what is going on at the Reilly farm!

It is getting late and I have a sub job in the morning for only a half a day, so I will be able to come back and continue to add pictures to my blog. Hopefully the weather, as beautiful as it is, does not make too much of a mess on the roads for traveling. Who knows, maybe we will have a delay or our first snow day!

Thanks for your continued support with my page. I promise it will come along, hopefully faster that I think it is going to. However, it is going to be something that I am very proud of and continually working on.

Have a blessed day everyone!

Greetings!

2008-12-15T21:17:00.000-08:00

This is my first entry on my new blog page and am very excited about it. After seeing all of the wonderful things that my cousin has on her page, it inspired me to start my own. Thank you for your patience during this beginning and new learning process for me. I hope that you will find my page enjoyable too as I continue to work on it daily.

One of the reasons that I want to begin this page is to share my story with trying to become pregant after having been diagnosed with PCOS when I was in college. Now that I am newly married, my family doctor put me on Glucophage as a means to balance my insulin levels. This will be the beginning of our fourth month trying with no luck. Last month I tried doing ovulation tests, but had no luck with them showing any signs that I was ovulating. When I asked my family doctor about this, she was not sure why this was true. For the last 4 months, since coming off of the birth control pills, I have been having my cycle on a regular basis. According to most doctors that would mean that I am ovulating, so, with much prayer Scott and I continue trying and are hopeful that maybe soon it will happen for us. Otherwise, we will need to seek an infertility specialist. Thank you for keeping us in your prayers, we are hopeful that a miracle will happen for us soon.